You think you know, but you have no idea
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2002-05-03 18:33:36 (UTC)

Beating up my brain!

Dear Life-
Well I don't really know what to say. I feel like shit. I
really want to dump Ryan.. I love him, but i'm not in love
with him. He makes it so hard. I mean prom is a week away,
what kind of person dumps someone before prom? I just want
to be friends with him, he doesn't have any time for me
anyways. So whats the point? Besides I love Eric. I'm not
just dumping Ryan for him though, I am doing it because
Ryan doesn't make me happy anymore. He makes me sad, and I
hate being sad. But Eric.. Eric makes me really happy. He
tells me that he loves me, and i belive it. People have
told me that they loved me a lot before. But i've never
really belived it. I've been against cheating my whole
life, because i think its wrong. But when your with someone
and you love someone else.. well.. i guess i just
understand the people that do that. I mean its not like i
want to hurt Ryan. I don't want to hurt anyone. But, when
i'm with Ryan I feel like i can't breathe. He has to know
everything thats going on. I can't stand that. God, Eric is
amazing. He really is. I can picture being with him the
rest of my life. But I probably shouldn't tell him that
because, well.. it would scare him. He is in Green Bay
right now because his uncle died. I hope he is okay, thats
basically all that matters right now. He keeps telling me
to be strong, I just don't know how i'm going to do it with
out him....