.Scream Your Dream.

so its friday finally

and im sitting in library which is where i went during 5th
period study hall. because i refuse to put up with 2
consequtive days of study halls in a gymnasium. so im
sitting here, reading journals, typing, i finished my
german homework. ive eaten hardly anything this morning,
ha. no suprise. i dont feel liek eating or doing anything
except geting over with tonight. im so nervous. about
everything, mainly mike and the party. if it goes well (and
i think i deserve at least one night in teh past few weeks
to go RIGHT for a change) i will be grateful, i dont even
care about alyss' show tomorrow, it could go bad and screw
it, judging by her journal, she doesnt care about ours
tonight so screw hers. this is so her. and im sick of it.
shes a fake girl, i think i will deliver her the
discourtesy of not alerting her of my party untill after
the fact. for get her and her 2-sided-ness. i guess we are
fake around each other so it must not matter. but at least
she doesnt read MY journal, dum bitch. haha, watch she read
that! anyway...

i hope things arnt weird tonight, no tention,. please. i
dread it all, i guess the last think on my mind is getting
caught by my dad or sotmhing, but im not even thinking
about that, screw it and screw him, of all teh stress i
have now, he can just go die. he will see me tomorrow
sometime (maybe).

my girls are spending the night which will be soo much fun,
i love them so much, they are amazing, i hope mike
can/wants to, but i doubt it. 15 minutes left of study
hall, then lunch, this is going slow, i dotn even have
money for lunch, i have a $20, so screw it, screw all of
this. i was thinking about that night i had a show, and
alyss barely showed up, as usual. and bryse blew me off for
a cult, and we didnt make enough money for the stress to go
away. and i was fighting with joe and adam the whole night
about damn jesus breaks bread forever in the Garage! and it
sucked, the whole thing sucked. but alyss brought be a hot
chocalate and a candy heart and it made my night like woah.
damn i miss that stuff, when sweets make all the bad go
away.

suprises make my night. they make everything. if this
weekend sucks, im thinking i may just give up on the scene,
and become one more bitter than i already am. hah. like
anything would bring me down.

remember that time on the phone when i said "live for me"
and you said "i was hoping you would tell me that".
remember that time when we woke up next to each other.
remember that time when everything felt right.

jade me so hard and think nothing of it.

love sarah.

the zine is more than i ever thought i could write, and
tonight it goes out, to the world.