.Scream Your Dream.

Emo Violence
2002-05-03 02:58:39 (UTC)

ever have the feeling

like you are at a point where the next 24 hours could go
amazingly awesome or horrible wrong? well thats me. and
thats now. these shows were more than i bargained for, and
its stressing me to a point where i cant focus on anything.
i havent cried in a good couple of days, but i fear my
streak will end tonight. i just took a deep breath, god
this is fucking crazy, im going insane. 5 agonizingly slow
days, all end up to this, it better be good, cause ive had
a rough time. im nervous about seeing mike, what will
happen, what will he say, what will i say. he broke his
collar bone last night, and i hope hes ok but feel little
sorrow for him. the whole ordeal doesnt make much sence,
but dustin skobel is wrapped up in it, so i guess thats
why. im looking forward to seeign ray and his friends,
hopefully ernie tomorrow, that would be a treat.

oh well fuck it. if it goes bad, i will just leave. someone
elses problem, definatly not mine.

contemplation.
mike. you are a good person. but do you know how mean you
are being to me. id like an apology but doubt i'll get it.
i rather not be in this relationship if it means me waiting
for you constantly. if i dont see you this weekend and get
no call from you. or anything. then im making the decision
that its over. and i dont want to be your girl, which has
turned into an occupation of self blame and confusion. boy,
the zine is out, we copied it today, im so proud, and i
cant even share it with you. when dustin called and told me
what happened, i felt like crying, and i wanted to talk to
you so bad, but i cant. and i wont. this makes no sence and
i dont understand what you are getting out of it. im
getting nothing but bad head aches and not enough sleep. so
i'll sit and wait just a little more, and hope to god i
have the restraint enough to do what is right. im sorry if
im overreacting or being melodramatic. if things were
reversed, (well they wouldnt be, because i would not leave
you hanging for so long) but if they were. i wouldnt expect
you to put up with it for long at all. you know where i am,
you could be anywhere. make it easy on me, sweet boy.

good night everyone.
love sarah.