humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-05-03 01:11:34 (UTC)

whats the point

i'm really getting to the point where i cant even stnad
being around anyone anymore. nikki has been pissing me off
beyond belief.... i'm not allowed to do anything without
her critism about it... i'm only allowed to like certain
people and i'm only allowed to do this or that or else im
stupid or a slut... i'm neither, i'm just indecisive... i
dont know who i like..all that iknow is that i dont want a
relationship and liking only one person means that i am at
risk of being put in a realtionship which i really just
cant handle right now.... i honeslty cannot do it... and
jason, god why do i still love him, i dont even know i am
so confused... but he's screwwing up and i hate it that he
doesnt miss me. i just i cant deal with anything anymore, i
dont want to deal with anything anymore.... i just want to
leave i want to go away but i cant.... why cant i just do
what i want to do without everyone having a say in it... if
it isnt hurting them then why cant they just stay out of
it... i just want out... but i am just so worreid about
jason i mean he use to have everything going for him and he
is just throwing it all away and i cant stand to watch him
do that... why do i care about him so much. i give up, on
everything, what is the point in trying so hard when
eventually you loose everything you have anywayz. i just
cant believe that i lost himm, that i threw it all away i
cant believe that i would be tat stupid he was the best
thing that ever happened to me .... i just gotta
go .........julz