TheGreenFairy

Absinthe Inspired Ramblings...
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2002-05-02 18:01:09 (UTC)

Actions Speak Louder Then Words

I left for about 10 minutes for break. Right now I seem to
be seeing everything in a new light. It's strange, but
good. I talked to most of my buddies, rather then calling
Zack, which is what I really wanted to do. It was
intresting. I want to just fix everything I've ever messed
up right now. I know I can't, but I can try to. I was
thinking about that a lot yesterday (last night). Zack
mentioned something about Josh being a little weird about
this (asking strange questions and stuff) and it just made
me feel so bad. I want him to be happy, but I really have
no feelings for him that way. Well, not feelings, but when
I look at Zack I sometimes think about him and wonder what
happened and if he's okay. Zack is his brother after all. I
was a little leery of this at the begining because I didn't
know how it was going to be. I didn't know if being with
Zack would bring back feelings for Josh, but it hasn't.
Josh is a great guy, but he wasn't the right guy. I really
want to sit down wih him and talk all of this out. I'm
comfortable enough with myself and my relationship with
Zack to be able to do that now. But I don't know if it's
going to be easy for Josh. In fact, I know it's not going
to be easy. But I really want to try. I have Alia's class
today. I want to go in and work my butt off in there and
show her that I'm really sorry, rather then just tell her
that I am. Actions speak louder then words. Whoa, that is
sooo weird! I'm listening to this CD and typing and stuff
and I wrote that (Actions speak louder then words) and then
Alicia Keys sang it! Trip out! Subliminal messages. There
are so many things that I desire to do right now. I want to
run around on the beach with Zack, I want to sit and have a
deep late night conversation in Starbucks with Ashley. I
want to have a movie night with Cristal and Jessi. Wow, I
am ambitious.

I just read Cristal's journal. She's so cute! I love how
open she is. I want to go to France too! I want to see the
Moulin Rouge, I want to see the Louge (I know that's not
spelt right) I want to see the Venus di Milo. I want to
smile at Mona Lisa. I want to dance on the stage of the MR.
I want to run around in the court yard and take a picture
next to the giant elephant (that isn't really a room, it
was just made that way to make the movie a little cooler).
I guess the only thing I can really do is eat a $200 dinner
there. No arguments here. I love exotic food. My tastes
have been very open to new things lately. Like the other
day at the wedding, I had salmon patte (i don't
normally "do" fish) and white wine and all kinds of other
nummy stuff. Wow, my wrists are starting to hurt from
typing. I can do pretty much whatever I want right now.
Pock is lecturing again, but it's the same lecture that I
didn't pay attention to yesterday. I am so in love with
life right now! I want to be a hippie (without all the
drugs and free love stuff). I love the way they dress. I
really need a job. It's funny. Over high school I've gone
through all of these silly little phases. Freshman year I
wanted to be surfer chick, so I bought a bunch of Roxy
clothes. Sophmore year was a little more girly, because I
had a BF who wanted me to be extreamly feminine, so it was
a lot of pink. Junior year was more Skater, Ezekial,
Hurley,and Dickies yea, you know. Then also in Jr. Year I
went through this hoochie stage. I was being a rebel. The
beining of this year, I got into dance, so I started
dressing like Alia. Now I'm left with little bits of
everything. This morning when I was looking for something
to wear, I found this pretty blue hippie styled top that I
bought for my cousins 70's themed birthday party last year
and I decided to wear it. Now I'm all into it (ha ha, after
one day). There's all these pretty tops in delia*s right
now. I need to get money so I can get them.

YEa, I think I said I was going to do some work, so I'm
going to submit and get some stuff done. Today is a good
day.


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