The Game
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2001-06-02 06:12:33 (UTC)

Strange twists in the road.....

yeah.... so i would use false names or something for the
people involved, you know protecting the innocent and all
that..... but anyone who knows anything about me will know
who is who, so why waste my time.... right?

have you ever watched one of those soap operas that are
always playing during the day? no? i haven't really
either, but my mom watches them and occasionally i catch
bits and pieces of them.... all very complicated and
totally unrealistic..... or so i thought.... so do you get
along with your ex's? of course, not... you aren't
supposed to and if you do it is the marginal friendship
type deal... i have quite a few of those actually.

and then we get to my latest and last (as long as i can
run) relationship... now this one ended rather messily,
more so than any of my other ones... and i've had some bad
ones, apologies to dria (not that she will ever read
this)... but this one was really bad, with me ending up in
jail- another entry in itself - i think it was as bad as it
was, because.... well.... i truly loved this one. a scary
thought. i've loved many girls and i love most of my
friends, but i've only been in love once before.... i have
this problem with love.... i still love my first girlfriend
and that was....... hmmmm, 4 years ago i think.... so it
doesn't go away

now the girl i loved is gone... very few people can even
begin to understand it when either of us tries to explain
it, but my ex.... Lauren of course.... just ceased to be,
her personality changed so drastically that she was forced
to adopt a new name. this was probably the first symptom
of the weirdness to follow, she took the name Celeste that
has great importance to me (i'll explain in a later
entry)... well, ceely and i get along grandly.... she
picked up sooooo many of my bad habits..... she is the
biggest flirt. that really isn't the issue here though....
our friendship is really strong now. and no matter how
different she is from lauren, ceely is still sorta my ex
and this is just not normal at all..... i can't be as
honest with her as i can with anyone else..... we talk
almost every night for hours and about things that i really
shouldn't feel comfortable talking about. we talk about
our sex lives (in great detail) and about every aspect of
our life....

well, recently the road has gotten more twisted..... we
have overcome all of the barriers between us (except for
her mother, but nichevo) and are now quite close..... and i
do mean close..... i still love her, but kissing her
doesn't really do anything different for me..... i love to
do it though, she is the best kisser and i'm very much
attracted to her.... but there isn't any emotional stirring
with her, no more than with some random girl that i happen
to pick up.... this is weird.

although i'd love to have some more time alone with her, it
isn't the most important thing to me.... which is another
rant in itself... hmmmm... i seem to have too much to talk
about..... and i could go on about this, but i'm too

lets just say that add in an evil twin brother, a couple of
pregnant men and a circus midget and my life would be a
soap opera.

maybe sometime tomorrow i'll rant about how much i hate
myself..... even though that one will get me yelled at....
also i think i will talk about stacy later.... i dunno....

Everyday is another toss of the dice.

~~Fortis Exaequo Vita~~