Rook

Diary of the Confused
2001-06-02 05:51:41 (UTC)

fools' confusion

This is rather odd. Anyway, right now the only thing that
is making me feel -rather- good is the music i'm listening
to. While everyone's hurrying around me with things I don't
know. My mom is only a few feet away from me, and she has
no idea what I'm doing. My problem. She doesn't know it's
her.
Well, it all started when she learned about something I had
already mastered - internet. Yes. The net, more preferrably
called. Ever since, she uses up about 5 hours a day infront
of the computer. 3 hours chatting and 2 hours checking
mail. You DO NOT check mail for three hours. But I never
questioned her anyway, because I thought she'd get over it
once she got used to it. Like I did. But pretty soon, I
began to doubt that.
Since this vacation, I have no idea what started it, my mom
and dad have been having problems. They can never seem to
get along. My dad's mostly out on business trips. I mean,
he's only home for like half the month. When he's away, we
all miss him. My mom says she does. Don't get me wrong, I
believe her, but it just makes a person wonder...Why does
she always act like she wished my dad were always away. I
don't blame her for sometimes feeling that way. See, my dad
seems to be going through something commonly known as
Midlife Crisis. I don't think so, actually. But that's what
my mom says.
Whenever she does, I ask myself, what if...they're BOTH
going through it.
That's not the problem. My mom, the net. You know she's met
a lot of guys online, passing herself off as a 22 year-old.
That's half her age. But I don't blame her. Sometimes, I
pretend too. But no more than 2 years, I swear. Anyhow, the
problem's probably clear now...or a little fuzzy still.
My mom is flirting on the net.
I hate to admit it. My dad knows, and one time I heard them
fight about it and he walked out. He drove until he ran out
of gas...it made me glad he didn't drink. When he left that
night, slamming the door behind him, my mom frowned. She
said she couldn't believe my dad was jealous of the
internet. "It's just for fun."
And then...I slammed down the book I was reading and rushed
up my room. I didn't eat dinner, but for some reason, my
mom didn't bang on my door and force me to come out. I fell
asleep...when I woke up, everything seemed normal.
Maybe...Maybe, they knew that I knew that something was
wrong. Something that was actually deeper than what it
seemed.
My mom doesn't know what she's doing. I think she's wrong.
Even if she says I'd go through 'it' someday, I don't think
I'd do what she does. Because the bad part came when her
online suitors started calling home. If my dad left
again...would this wreck the family I know...the one
hanging on a thin thread as it is.
Fools' confusion. Why, you ask? Or don't you? Well. Only
fools really get confused about something that was there
for 15 years. I don't really think I know the whole
story...but I'm sure. One of us is a fool. Or maybe...
We all don't have a clue.




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