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2002-05-02 01:18:54 (UTC)

The Boogie Man that Lives In my Shoe

Whew!!! I am feeling much better. I think dying feels more worse than death.

I passed by a dental ad yesterday and saw a typical picture of a smiling tooth with arms and legs holding a
toothbrush. And this tooth have teeth!!! And I wonder if this smiley tooth's teeth has teeth of their own!
Ridiculous! I went into a laughing fit when I saw that poster.

I avoided Victoria's bitching about other people by dodging to the bookstore. Whew! I didn't need to hear gossip
all the way home for the whole hour. I just don't like to gossip about others unless I need to. Gossiping is
contagious too. It's easy to become a habit when you stick about the mother hens. Vic, Jodie and I sat together
at the deli during lunch today and started talking about our classmates, badmouthing them. I try not to join in
because I really don't see anything severely wrong with the people they were talking about and a few times I try
to point out nobody's perfect. I was starting to shrink from embarassment realizing that we were seated in front
of 2 men and behind I can feel there were people listening in to our bitching. We had on our hospital uniforms
but didn't really act like professionals, instead we acted like immature teens. Geez, I thought, we probably gave a
bad impression of women in front of the men. I kept my mouth shut and ate up my lunch as fast as I could
until we finally got out of there.

I've thought about my house while dozing off to sleep last night. My mom is Buddhist, actually a strange sort of
Buddhist who believes in many gods, spirits, and superstitions. I played the Oujii board with my friends a few
years ago and made contact with a very sweet and humble spirit who said "I love you" everytime we said
goodbye. We left contact with a genuine feeling of lovingness emanating thru the whole house. My best friend
almost fainted from the super vibrations she felt around her body which was being used as a medium for the
spirit to communicate with us. My mom said she shooed off the bad spirits with spiritual gadgets like reflecting
mirrors, blessed peppers and fruit, etc. I didn't believe her until now. It seems strange to me that everytime a
stranger visits our home, no matter how messy it was, they're always impressed with the aura of the house. Now
I figure it had something to do with the air of the spirits that occupied our home. After my mom raided my
room to go on a hunt for the boogie man under my bed but instead discovered my diary and the mental
afflictions. Last night she put her hand on my head and mumbled a prayer. I became frightened. I felt the
darkness inside me will take over the goodness of the incantation. I had a sense that the darkness is foreign but
has a mind of its own, and I was afraid it will get angry. And you know what? I think the darkness did get
agitated and blew me back to a deep dark depression today, as if to reassert its strength and existence.

And that night while pondering upon this notion of our house, I dozed off and had a really incredible dream
where I saw the most beautiful classical arch monument in a park that looked very much like Washington Square
Park. I caught somewhere between the past and future, but absence of any present. I was in engineering school,
where we had our break watching a Bond film in a large dark theatre. Then we went back to the lab and I felt a
surge of creation to give life to a bionic person.