C. Gabriel

Lightning Avenger
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2001-06-01 15:26:10 (UTC)

Entry the first...

So the summer's begun, and my days as a high school student
are officially over. Diploma in hand, I can't help but
wonder "what happens next?". In one walk across a stage, I
lost 100 some-odd roomates, the most beautiful girl I've
ever known, a best friend that only an idiot couldn't
appreciate, and the comfort that although sometimes
suffocating, a high school offers to otherwise wild and
errant teens. Which leaves the question "What now?".
College obviously comes next, but that in itself isn't an
answer, only another even more challenging and complicated
question. Hmmm... I am, now more than ever, very
frightened of what lies ahead. My only goals in life are
success and happiness, and each is seemingly dependent on
what happens on the next few years. The pressure of
expectations from my peers, my family, and most importantly
myself will soon either drive me to achieve my goals with
success, or stumble and fall. It's weird. In high school,
success came so easily, with a structured environment where
everyone had to follow the rules, and those who succeeded
where the ones that caught on quickly and made the
boundaries and structure work for them. Know I enter a
world where there are no rules and no boundaries. The most
successful people here are either the prodigies who could
write computer programs at the age of 13, or good 'ole boys
who were born into a system set up to guarantee that "their
kind" are always on top. Since neither of these groups
seems to have my name in them, I wonder "what next?" I am
worried, yes, but also determined. I can do only my best
and hope and pray that it is good enough to produce as it
has in the past. I used to call myself a "defier of odds."
Interestingly, I can't tell if the odds are for or against
me anymore these days. I honestly think that I prefer the
role of the underdog. The one who no one counts on or
believes in, and thus the one who has nothing to lose and
the most to gain. Nonetheless, I will put forth all of my
time, and all of my energy and strength into these next few
years. Failure is simply not an option.