Steva's Life
2002-04-30 11:39:29 (UTC)

Getting better

Ok well, I've begun the proces of getting better for the
last weekend, I got to thinking that my friends were
drunk and i wasent, And when all this was said it was
truely Stuped and it was said because when you get drunk
you say things that you don't mean and will not remember
for the life of you, I'm very sorry to jeff for going
balistic on him, As for him not calling when he left
sunday night becuase his flight was at 8:30 am, Witch i
would have liked to know becuase i hadent slept saturday
night and i didn't sleep sunday night becuase i was going
balistic trying to find him, I wished he would have called
me or someone eles, becuase when i didn't hear any thing i
got a bunch of people worryed so it wasent a good thing
but he's home safe now and i'm glad he's home safely now,
Then last night i was talking to someone i know, I don't
think i could call her a true friend, We were talking, I
was telling the story because she wanted to know, i was
like well He said this and we did that etc, and i was like
well i've been there for him through everything and there
is alot that i feel i never get paid back for in the
friendship and she's like yes your there for him through
the money sence but not the friend sence i was like what
the fuck, I've been there for him yes through money but
not only money i've been there for him as a FRIEND to sit
there and listen to him bitch and moan about stuff with i
personally don't mind listening to becuase i care, And
she's like does he know that you do that becuase you care
and i was like well after 14 years i think so,
Jeff and i were talking yesterday and he was like you have
the full right to hate me and i was like I don't hate
anyone, Because its not me, though there are people i
dislike not nameing anyone, But I don't hate anyone
becuase its not right, So we were talking and i was like
i can't dislike you for saying somthing wile you were
drunk and i will be upset for you not calling me and
telling me or telling me before you walked out, becuase
then i went bonkers, But over the other thing, Like i can
understand if you were sober and said that then i'd be
upset but not wile your drunk that was the just the first
time i had ever been told that so i didn't know how to
react and i didn't know how to take it because he was
drunk, And i didn't know if it was ment or not,
So then a friend of mine and i had a planned to do a movie
and dinner, but she backed out at the last moment so i was
upset, but i look at the reasion becuase she had somthing
for school to do so i didn't take it so bad but seeing as
i was so upset it sorta just joined the group of stuff
that i was upset about but as its all slipping away that
is too, and i think we've re-planned it for today so its
all good, the one good thing is that jeff did appoligise
so that made me better.
Then there's the matter of becca of corse, she's just
expecting to just come when she wants to pick up her stuff
witch just isin't happening because my mother's going out
and so am i today, Weather or not my friend goes because
its a movie i'll never see again. becuase its one of those
artsie movie's, so it probly won't come out on video. So
i want to go see it and my mother said it was really good
and so did my friend becaus she wants to see it again,
But back to becca, Its really getting annoying becuase
she won't come get her stuff when we are around she wants
to do it on her own time and she's got to learn that its
not always going to happen the way you want it to happen
becuase other people have lives other then hers, Like
since her and i broke of the "friendship" that we had i've
been a much better person I've had alot more fun in life
my life just plain got alot better then sitting in hell
doing what becca wanted to do, and i know she was using
me so i'm glad that it got over because if she had gone on
the trip with me then i was thinking that i was going to
just blow off the friendship becuase i couldn't take her
bossing me and everyone eles around, but then she didn't
go on the trip so i did blow the friendship off for a good
reasion and alot of her friends don't talk to her anymore
becuase of this whole thing with me.
On to yesterday:
Well i was supposed to meet my friend for the movie but
then as i was out the door to meet another friend of mine
for a little shopping she said she had somthing to do so i
was ok with it, Upset but ok, so then i go down and meet
my friend sarah and we go shopping and she has to meet up
with a friend of hers for somting, so we shop for a little
wile and then we go meet her friend and they talk and then
they finish and then we go shopping and we go to a great
karaoke place witch was alot of fun, i can't wait to take
everyone there its only 5 dollors a person for an hour!!!
that's insaine!!! you get a little booth and a big TV and
a michrophone or 2 if its for more then one, and you type
in the numbers and you sing your heart out i got to do all
my broadway stuff so it was alot of fun, Sarah Also got
me a sweet rose because i was so upset over all the crap
that happend and i think that was amazingly sweet. So i
have it sitting here,
I can't beleave i have to leave my city on wed. I have to
go back to New england unfortunetly but i guess that it
won't be bad becuase i will be moving down i hope with
jeff unless he doesent like me anymore and doesent want to
move in with me :-( witch would be sad becuase everyone
including me wants him to move in and then we can party
ever week but not get that drunk like i go for the tipsy
part but i don't go all the way to sick part :-p But i'm
gonna get him used to just drinking a little bit then
stopping becuase your drunk enough, But it does make you
say things that you don't mean and from now on when
somthing is said then i won't take it meanly becuase i
know he doesent mean it, Like he said i don't even
remember saying that. So it shows that when you drunk you
forget everything so i'm not going to take it personally
but i'm still upset deep down inside but it has begun to
go away, Like yesterday it was horrable, Like i First
saw him online and i was like Fuck this fuck that and i
was quite upset but then i began to think that he's home
safe and i don't need to worry as much but it hurt me deep
down inside to think my "Best friend" wouldn't call and
tell me where he was, i had thought he was dead and i was
about to go the distence to do somthing rash, but he's
there and i'm getting out of it and i'm getting tierd of
writing and your getting sick of reading my boring life,
kisses and hugs

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