bonni

ramblings
2002-04-30 04:57:16 (UTC)

today... or tonight

i've been talking and yakking.. must the less letting Devonna do
the yakking.. about just various things.. nothing out of
the ordinary.. why did i get into doing this sort of online
activity of diary keeping??? i don't know.. i've tried it
before, earlier in my short of a college career when i
become bored with the simple events of a student.. and here
i am.. POOF! typing away.. looking for a replacement
friend who doesn't question the way i percieve myself.. why
should they? i have full and right permission to downplay
myself.. better than someone else going along and doing
so.. blah. Finals.. getting ready for a summer.. 3 months
at the homestead.. NOT looking forward to it.. why? because
i'm as much of a nuisance to my parents as a plague is to
humanity.. sucking the life out of things... sucking the
life and life savings from my parents.. Lately been
pondering ways of speeding up the process of getting out of
their hair. Have no idea how to do so without the object of
disappointment. Hmm.. i myself cannot avoid the "we're
disappointed in you" speeches complete with sighs and the
drumming of fingers along the table and long questioning
stares of motivation behind the events prior to such
speeches.. same thing since pre-school, i must confess..
anyone remember the chalk incident? I just sort of smash
head-first into such speeches without a moment's thought as
to why i do. Is there a way to get it to where i can let my
mind rest? I think it needs one.. maybe a coma for a few
days.. and i'll bounce back thankful of my bodily
functioning activities and be thankful once again i can
think. Not saying i think too much (no such thing).. it's a
matter of worry and worry too much.. THAT's something all
in itself.. but until i worry too much, i'll just let the
worrying roll off as i non-chalantly go back to the humdrum
world of the college freshman (soon to be upcoming
sophomore)...




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