Short Stuff

the ordinary of the unordinary
2002-04-30 03:27:15 (UTC)

hit rock bottom

It comes a point where I hit rock bottom and I've slamed so
hard into it I'm dead to the world I'm not alive no
compassion i dont' give a shit. I fell asleep today and
didn't wake up to anythgin not even the house phone which I
always do, but I woke up to my ceel phone that was on loud
and really would not have gotten up had it not have rang.
I've fucked up too much in the last 24 hours so for
everyone that this may concern I'm sorry. I'M SO
INCREDIBLY SORRY! I'd like to say it all started last
night but for some problems it startted long ago. Back
when i abused a lot of people's trust. I lied to my best
friend I lied to me ex whom i actually do love very much
I've lied to my close friends and to anyoe near me I warn
you you've probably neen lied to by me. i cant stress how
sorry i am. I'd go back an fix it if I could but whats
doen is doen its time to move on and I want a fresh start
with everyoen I want to work over to build tat trust back
but i dont' see to many people even giving me this chance
and i understand that. I've ust had my best friend start
to go out with a long time crush of mine that has become a
very close friend. in that time I've created a sequeces of
lies to my ex in which I'm sorry about but in fear of
tellign him. and once I have he did exactly what I thought
he'd do. no reason why he shouldn't have gotten mad but it
definatly hurts and I'm paying for it all. I had my prom
weekend the weekend that just happened. and it went really
well but this other guy that also apparently really likes
me my date is not changed he wants me more but he doesn't
want that relatioship still hes not ready for it. I'm just
so dead with so many issues I can't even recall half them.
I've lost all my compassion thats all i had for peopel and
all I truly loved about people and I've lost my one true
love compassion was all that mattered and I've lost it and
caused others to loss it with me. I've lost trust and
people have almost no more trust for me and its not to say
without reason. i just don't think I've ever been hurting
so badly and me be the cause of it all. I've fucked up I'm
paying for it. I wish I could change the world for all
those who I lost but I can't. I'm not askign for
forgivness but more for you to understand I'm sorry.




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