The meanderings of a mind
2001-05-31 23:30:33 (UTC)

a Thursday

My mom is on her vacation. She took two weeks off.
One week to spend somewhere we've never been, and the other
to work around the house. My stepdad contracted me to stain
the porch, it is a big porch. He said he'd pay me, now I
get the feeling he is going to retract his promise. I
didn't get a job so I could spend the summer earning money
withouth having to drive anywhere. My nails look like crap
now, from the stain and the mineral spirits. Somehow I
managed to hurt my knee. It feels as though I twisted it.
I'm walking with a very pronounced limp, and it cuts down on
the activity I can do. I spent the day with my mom, and
then came home and stained somemore. I'm still constanctly
thinking about "him." I had friends over last night, and I
was talking and in the middle of the sentence a thought of
"him" struck and I ran upstairs to see if he had gotten on.
He had. I checked the time and it was almost as if he said
hi the minute the thought of him struck. That kinda scared
me. I was a bad hostess and talked to him for a few
minutes. He offered to call and of course i jumped at that.
It didn't matter that I had guests, I ached to hear his
voice. I had a hard time splitting my attention between my
company. I eventually had to let him go. That is the worse
part, letting go. I wonder if my feelings will change after
I spend actual time with him, I wonder if he will hate me.
I got panties to match my bras today. No one will ever see
them, but it is nice to match. 8 pair for 60 dollars. That
is an awful lot of money for underwear. Perhaps I should
forgo wearing close so they don't seem so outragiously
expensive. If that is all anyone sees me wear, it can't be
too bad. I can pair them up with a cool pair of tennis
shoes, I'd be good to go. I don't think I've ever been this
broke before, but of course that doesn't mean I'm not
spending money. I called some of my former high school
friends. Friends that said we were best friends, and I'll
call and they don't sound the least bit excited to hear from
me. It is hard to be the only one trying to keep a
relationship alive. I should let it die. I hate mosquito