It's 3 a.m. I Must Be Lonely...
29 Apr 2002 Monday
Making a wish... (size6size6size6size6size6size6)
Uh oh...I'm fucked up again. Been visiting those sites... the ones
with all those pictures that are triggering...it doesn't help that
I'm feeling like failure right now. Ah, well. Back to the disorder.
I think this summer I will live off of vegetables and over-exercise
and throw up everything I'm not supposed to consume. It's gross, but
it gets the job done. And then next year will be like sophomore year
in high school when everyone was gushing about how good I looked and
people were jealous and I got boys with my legs and my period was
really short. I think Dad knew I was throwing up. I always wondered
about that. He made a comment once and I denied it and he dropped it
and I always wondered if he dropped it because he believed me or if
he just didn't want to think about it/deal with it. Whatever. I just
won't eat much this summer. Then in the fall I'll be able to have
whatever I want (meaning clothes and J).