the one who got away

lost somewhere inside of me
2002-04-29 02:19:13 (UTC)

its happening again im really..

its happening again
im really scared
meggs and i talked about it like in february i think
but i dont know if i am just really emotional at times or
if thats just my way of covering up the real problem
i read in my psych book about borderline personality
disorder and it completely describes me to a T except for
one part im not sexually permiscuos
i hate being in the best mood in the world and then the
next im crying or mad at anyone in my direct path
i do it at work sometimes and i think its affecting my boss
Bill's opinion of me
i dont know how to explain to him that i dont do it on
purpose
Shannon the other manager told me himself that he knew i
wasnt aware when i was being short with people within
convesation and that i needed to try and snap out of it
the other night i lost it i had to go hide in the bathroom
for 10 minutes and then shannon took me outside to talk to
me
re-assured me that i was one of the best that they had and
then i was ok for a bit
maybe its cause no one has ever really re-assured me
well i cant say that cause my friends do but the one that i
had hoped would... never
all i want to hear are those 5 words from dad
ANYONE in the world could tell me that im the greatest that
i make them the happiest that they are proud
but i dont ever believe anyone bc he wont say it
he cant just say "Kelly, Im proud of you."

but im gonna go
goodnight all
~kelly