Wretched Pleasures

Chronicles of a Tortured Soul
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2002-04-28 22:41:09 (UTC)

Welcome back

So as you may have noticed, I haven't written in here in
quite a long time. A lot has happened, and I have kind of
secluded myself from too much contact, but I guess now is
the time to bring you all up to speed. On New Years Eve, I
overdosed on 10 and a half methadone pills, nothing
intentional, I just wanted to not feel any regret of pain
that I was feeling the few days before that. So I started
going to Drug and Alcohol counseling, and that is working
out okay, I guess. It seems as though things were going
splendid, up until this last month. April is supposed to
be a happy month for me, since my birthday falls in april.
Well, since it was my birthday, fate decided to deal me a
blow, and kill my 14 year old dog. On my birthday. It is
god saying, "Happy birthday, motherfucker. I hope you're
happy." But it doesn't stop there, on the same day, I find
out that my sister got caught drinking in school, and I
later find out that she has a rather colorful drug history
as well. I don't know if it pisses me off more knowing
that I could've done something to stop that, or that I was
too oblivious to realize what was even going on. All on my
17th birthday, so I say, fuck birthdays, it is just another
year of celebrating misery and bullshit, knowing that you
still have another full year of bullshit until the next
birthday. It never stops, it is misery stuck on repeat.
We are the punchlines of life. Aside from that, I also
have been dealt the rotten hand of people getting so close
to me, and then getting so far away, just like they always
have. I don't even think that my medication is helping
anymore. Medications are jsut placebos, don't you think?
If you believe it to work, then it will, but if you don't
fully believe in it, it is just like taking a sugar pill.
That is what meds are, sugar pills. Fuck it man, I am sick
of medications. So this brings us up to now. I feel
shitty, like usual, and so lonely. I hate being lonely, I
hate feeling this way everyday of my life. Oh well, I will
leave you here, and I plan on writing in here everyday
unless nothing special happens. Peace...

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