humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-04-28 22:41:01 (UTC)

no love like lost love

well matt nowakowski absloutely for sure just wanted ass i
know that for a fact becuz he was trying to get with some
other chic in front of me... i mean i dont care if he gets
with other chix he just needs to learn to not do it in
front of me and i dunno what the hell im doing ever
anymore. i know i cant let anything happen with scott and i
hate myself becuz i have a part of me hoping that prom
night will change everything between me and jason and iknow
tho that it wont. i just want to lay in bed and cry
forever... no matter how much i cry it never seems to be
enough. it amazes me tho that i still care for jason to the
extent which i do. i mean i want him to be happy.... iwould
rather have him be with some one and be happy and have me
be with no one then have it be the other way
around...despite the fact that it would rip me apart inside
to see him be with someone else.... matt nowa doesnt
understnad that he needs a break tho. him and lauren broke
up right and well he is just trying to get with more and
more chics and i know what he is doing, i've been there, he
doesnt undrstnad that he is hurt and that he needs to give
itt ime and that getting with chix isnt gonna make it go
away but he will learn it on his own i just feel bad for
him becuz he wont admit it how bad he is hurt becuz wel he
is matt, but its ok... i'll always be there for that kid...
he really is a strong person. its kinda sad my mom doesnt
realize the fact that i am totally ripped apart about
jason. as far as she knows he was just another guy that
comes and goes and she doesnt know anything else which i
think is better i dont want her to know how much pain i am
actually going thru.. becuz of the fact that i actually
dont know how much pain i am going thru bt all that is know
is that it is to much pain and that i neer wish this on
anyone. god i wonder so much if he misses me and thinx
about me but i should just stop wondering becuz it isnt
doing any good.... i need to stop trying to hard at life, i
wont come out of it alive in the end anywayz.
"theres no love like lost love,
no pain like a broken heart,
theres no love like you and me,
and no loss like us apart"


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