my pathetic life
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2002-04-28 03:54:51 (UTC)


well tonite my favorite local band was playing and i didnt
get to go. i was really upset cuz i had planed to go to
this thing for about 3 weeks and on last minuet my 2
friends bailed on me. i desparetly tried to get hold of my
other friend to see if she could go but she wasnt home. if
it wasnt bad enough that i missed my favorite local band i
also missed the last show of the band my personal hero.
they were breakinbg up and tonite was there last show. i
really wanted to be there, i was looking forward to it. i
started the nite out being mad at mother cuz she wouldnt
let me go alone, then i got mad with my friends. after
convincing myself that it wasnt their fault i got really
upset with myself. idunno why lately ive just had really
distorted thoughts about myself. i started getting mad at
myself cuz i dont have a lot of friends. i define friends
as people i spend time with outside of school, which is
about 3 sometimes four. i started thinking that if i had
more friends i could have gone. idunno, i no thats retarted
but thats what i felt. well at least i didnt burst out
crying. im not sure whats up but these last few days ive
been really depressed. i havent felt this way in a while
and it scares me cuz i dont want to be the way i used to
be. its pathetic i try so hard not to become my past
person that i end up like that any way. i guess ill get
over it,i have to.

"i want hate you so bad, but i cant. stop this"
-taking back sunday

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