shifting mists
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2002-04-28 02:47:30 (UTC)

it had to be saved ...

Sat Apr 27 14:59 ~ - Subject: Dance like nobody is watching.
katelyn said:

We watched "Pi" yesterday. I am looking forward to watching
the commentary and extra features stuff, which I haven't
done yet. I was thinking about it (Pi) this morning,
washing dishes and listening to the Hedwig soundtrack. I
have all of these loose marbles rolling around in my head
right now, trying to find their holes. If I tilt my head
just right I am sure that I can lodge them all into their
proper places and win the game.

*ding* Little light comes on ... what is it all about? What
is the theme of your life? What is the obsession, the
message, the lesson? What is it that you keep trying ot say
in your writing, over and over again ... the same themes,
the same anecdotes, the same characters - reinvented in new
scenario's ... old scenario's differently told. Is it self-
exploration? Self-gratification? If Hedwig was trying to
figure out love and find his one true mate ... what is it
that you are trying to find, trying to figure out?

*click* It doesn't matter. It isn't about the theme or the
lesson. It's about LIFE. It's about living and experience
and if there is a common ground, a thread, a thought, a
theme ... well then that is the ordered form of chaos. It
doesn't matter if you are chasing after love or Pi or fame
or ...

I turn around and there is Bug in the living room, buck
naked, jumping and flailing and turning in circles, dancing
along with the music on the radio. It is so beautiful and
hilarious and infectious. I can't help myself. I put down
the dishrag and go into the living room to dance right
along side him, jumping and flailing and spinning in
circles and laughing and singing along with the words (off
key). He thinks this is great fun and suddenly we are
holding hands and jumping and flailing together and then I
pick him up and we spin and spin and spin and fall down and
watch the ceiling swirl and giggle and sing out loud and
life is good.

It's kind of like waking up. Forget being lost in the
darkness. Forget soul searching and quests for truth.
Forget *trying* to create something. Just do it, just be
it. You can't be an observer and a participant
simultaneously ... well, maybe You can ... but I can't.
It's time to put away the observer cap for a while and to
dance and laugh and live and forget about who may be
watching from the back of my mind. There will be plenty of
time to sort it all out later.