Josaline

music is so great

'Boy, don't you worry, you'll find yourself.
Follow your heart and nothing else.
And you can do this, oh baby, if you try.
All that I want for you, my son, is to be satisfied.'
simple man - lynyrd skynyrd

One of my all time favorite songs. If you got napster or
some other sort of way to listen to this song, I recommend
it! Got some new CD's. Got Lynyrd Skynyrd's All Time
Greatest Hits, Third Eye Blind - Blue, Hey Brother 3, Bare
Naked Ladies - Stunt. The first two I got in the mail and
the last two I found super cheap at the local thriftshop. I
love Value Village, I am such a thriftshop junkie. I swear,
nearly everything I buy comes used, super cheap and all
over cool. :)

Saw him today. (look at journal entry titled "Love?" to
find out about him) Well, ha, of course I saw him today, I
see him everyday, but I mean that I saw him today and
nearly passed out. Damn heart. Sometimes it freaks out when
I don't want it to. You should of seen me a couple of years
ago when I was obsessed. It was kind of sad actually.
Anyway, I didn't really talk to him. I guess I was in
one of my "Let's Play A Mind Game" moods. God I am such
a... mind-game freak. It's probably the wrong thing to do,
but the right thing doesn't look too tempting these days
anyway.

He was gorgeous today. He shone like the sun and was as
beautiful as the moon. And I hated him and I loved him all
the same. Best Friend # 1 says I'm in deep denial. Yeah, I
guess I am in some ways. Out loud I say that I don't like
him, that we're only friends, that we're not good for
eachother. But everyone knows it's a load of bullshit. Ha,
just a facade, a mask, a cover-up. But, otherwise, I think
I'm pretty in tune to whats going on, with me and with him.
God damn teens are so hard to understand. No, let me change
that. God damn boys are hard to understand. Hehe, some guy
is probably writing "Goddam girls are hard to understand"
at this very moment on his very own computer. The bastard!
He right and I'm right. But you are, you boys. Very hard to
get. But I guess that's what makes the hunt so fun...
because I know the thrill is in the hunt.

Best Friend # 2 is still having shit loads of self
confidence issues. She's in this whole big drama with a
senior. She writes him notes and put them on his car, he
finds them, and responds. It's all anonomously, of course.
I tell her she should meet him, but she's afraid that he'll
see her and claim that he wants to be "just friends." Her
thoughts are "how can he like a fat, ugly girl like me?" I
was at a loss for words (which rarely happens). First off,
because it was so far from the truth. Secondly, because she
was so blunt about it. Also she seemed on the verge of
tears. I had to find the right thing to say. I didn't want
to over flatter her and make it seem fake, but I also
didn't want to stay silent and make her think I thought the
words she said were true, which, of course, they're not. So
I said to her "That's bullshit, and you know it. Or you
should. And if he can't see the pretty little thing you
are, then I got three words for him. Grab, Twist and Pull."
Well that made her laugh, so I felt better, but I still
don't think those were the right words to say. Oh well,
they may not have been right, but they worked.

What is it with girls and this whole "I'm [negative
word]...(but you better tell me differently)" I don't get
why they do that. I guess I should say "we" since I,
myself, am a girl, but then, I don't go that. Eh, i'll say
we, eh? Ha, me and my "eh's." Everyone up here thinks I'm
Canadian, but I'm really from Green Bay, Wisconsin... Home
of the Cheeseheads and Those Who Say Eh?. Wow, Canadians
get called Cheeseheads too, and also say Eh. Hmmm, maybe
Green Bay is the long long son of Canada. :)

Anyway, back to my little thought. I'm just wondering
why alot of girls do that. I, personally, think it's really
annoying, and I've heard alot of guys say it is too. Alot
of other girls say it's annoying. Ok, in general, it's just
annoying. But alot of girls do it. I have yet to hear a guy
say "Oh my muscles are so puny and I am so ugly... and FAT!
(but please tell me the opposite just so I can hear it
too)" Ha, that would be the day. But really though, why do
girls do it? (I guess girls really are goddam confusing
too) It's just a complaint I have. Something that makes me
wonder.

My Best Friend # 2 just called and is a nervous wreck
because The Senior is supposed to call. Actually he's late.
He was supposed to call at 8:30 and it's now 9:30 and no
call. He did call around 12:45 and left a message. At 12:45
we were still in school and so was he. Anyway, that's just
a trivial little fact. But I'm nervous too. I mean this
whole thing is pretty great. EXCEPT, (there is always an
except) that I think she has lifted him into cult status
and she doesn't even know him yet. She looks at him like he
is God and should be worshiped. That in itself isn't a good
start to things. You can't respect someone who is always
kissing your ass. It really hurts me as a friend who cares
for her when she says stuff like "He's so much better than
me.... I don't deserve him." Makes me want to smack her and
kick him. Hehe. Me and my violent self. It's her whole self-
confidence issue. She see's herself as someone who can be
some peoples friend but nobody's crush. And I understand
her alot too because I once felt like that. I'm not really
sure how I got out of that state of mind. I'm trying really
hard to think how I did it so I can help her out. Well I'll
figure it out somehow. Maybe I should just help her a
little and let her figure most of it out. I dunno, only
time will tell, I suppose.

Maybe you want to hear a little bit about the infamous
Senior. I call him the Geek, because he seems a little
Geeky. Ha, obvious. He must be 17 or 18 and he graduates in
a week. He was on the varsity soccer team and has a green
car that I have dubbed "The Gramma Car" because it looks
like one that my gramma would buy. He's blonde... blue eyed
I'm guessing. And sort of tall. Muscly, but not too much. I
think he's cute but not my type.

hey i found a better place to write. woohoo...