American Spirit
2001-05-31 04:30:44 (UTC)

Yet another feeling of loss

Just when i think i am completely fine and dandy, and the
flowers of spring are beautiful and the grass smells great,
along comes a bee to sting me. I know i didn't DO anything
really but at the same time, i don't know that it is not my
fault. of fuck that. It is obviouse that she/he came over
to make me believe in him/her again for one last lie. it's
obviouse that they never meant it truelly. and it's
obviouse that they never will. I am not ready to be glad
for them and i may never be. I am not ready to take those
pictures off my wall and burn them. I may never get that
bold. And I am not ready not to feel this stupid annoying
pain. Maybe i'll get over that. No matter what i know i
am myself and i told them how to handle me. they just
decided not to listen. and they still are not listening
not that it matters anymore. I wish i could shut my ears
off. but i have too many things to do to be bothered by
this right? I have too much to live for and too much to
plan on and too many that care. I have too many people to
meet and discard or keep depending on the situations. I
have my bass to play, my violin to make sing, and my voice
to scream into oblivion. I have all that i need inside me
and i am just waiting for someone to bring it out.