My Life
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2002-04-26 15:28:05 (UTC)

Taken the wrong way!

Yes I took what Blackcat said this morning the wrong way
like he was attacking me and Yes I was in the wrong but 12
months can't be forgotten so easily 12 months of negative
words towards me can't be forgotten that easily granted he
is trying to change.He asked when he went off on me or said
anything negative towards me was and the answer was The
begining of April or the Middle of April when he said "just
remember every time you eat something your not suppose to
it discusts me" My health isn't the reason why he wants me
to loose weight (I am around 249 or 250 or at least I was)
My original weight was *gulp 280* and I know that is a
terrible weight,my friends and family want me to loose
weight because they are worried about my health they don't
want to loose me. The heavier a person is the more risk
there is of diabetes or other health issues. I want to live
to see my son grow up and to do whatever life has in store
for him, I want to see him get married and have children
hopefully. I want to live to be almost 100 like my Dad's
Mom. It just doesn't seem like he voices his concerns about
my health instead he replys without tact that I can eat
what I want but that if I do that it will discust him. The
Reasons unless he tells me otherwise are most likely pure
selfishness. He says to me that he is not happy, but what
about me I am not happy especially when he degrades me or
puts me down. If he wouldn't treat his dog the way he
treats me then why does he treat his WIFE the one that
loves him with all her heart worse then he would the dog. I
want RESPECT and LOVE and I don't like to be CONTROLLED as
I am an adult and have lived on my own and managed to make
it threw life ok so far. I feel like this isn't my house
either anymore because he doesn't want me to change a thing
nothing unless he approves it. I can't have a simple little
lamp on an end table where I want it. When we got married
this house became his too I told him to bring out his stuff
and set it up. We have his Tv,his stero system,his dvd
player,his game systems,his fishtank,the table the fishtank
sets on is his,his entertainment center,his microwave
cabinet. Ok compared to the stuff that was here when he
moved in maybe that doesn't sound like alot, I would
happily get rid of my couch if we had the money to get a
new one, I would happily get rid of the coffee table if we
could buy a new one, if we had enough book shelves to house
my books I would gladly get rid of my old entertainment
center that is taking up sooo much room. If we had the
money for all that stuff. I know he feels like all the
stuff is mine. So instead of buying the playstation 2 lets
get rid of the couch and buy a new couch playstation 2 is
around $300 or a bit more maybe we can get a new couch for
that money or less if we look at stalzers they have nice
furniture that is like brand new, but he really wants that
ps2 but what does he want more??? A new ps2 or a couch that
WE pick out together. Lets get our PRIORITIES straight.If I
were him I would put the ps2 on hold til we get a new couch
or something else new so then it will feel more like this
is OUR stuff rather then MY stuff. Plus we do need a new
couch anyways as it is broken. There are certain things I
plan on keeping like the hutches and the rocking chairs and
my grandmothers endtables I would gladly get rid of my
Uncles endtables if we had new ones to replace them. The
dining room table I think maybe able to get fixed and it is
a good table I would love to have a new bedroom set,
bed,dressers,chesterdrawers etc. I am willing to bend if he
is willing to try or to keep trying. Talking is the Key to
a good marriage if we don't know what is bothering the
other then how do we know what to do to try to make it
better.Well I had better close for now as I have to get off
to work.. Thanks for listening everyone.. take care..