My life
2002-04-25 23:31:45 (UTC)

things are better

hey!! whats up? well things have gotten A LOT better!! i
got my hair cut and i died looks good..brant got hit
by a car but his ok (THANK GOD!!) OMG i dont know what i
would do if something happened to him, i mean if he moved ,
i would be so upset..anyways, chelcs really getting on my
nerves, like she treats me like everything i do is wrong,
she makes me feel like im stupid, and im not, like in drama
today we have to do observation Monologes, and she is doin
hers on Rachel Gonzalez and i use to be best friends w/
rachel so i told her about rachels personality now, and how
it use to be in 6th grade..BIG DIFFERENCE!! well Emily is
doin rachel too, and Emily also use to be bffs w/ rachel so
she knows rachel really good and chelc wrote her monologe
and emily wrote hers and Chelc was reading it and was
like "this is just like mine" and gave me sum look and
after class she told me that i told Emily what to write and
i didnt, i sit by Emily yeah but i was writing my own
Monologe!! i dont know, just stupid little things like
that, things shes doing, is pissing me off. But other than
that things are Really good! the wkends almost here, and i
hope ill see brant, actually i knkow ill see him! gosh i go
crazy w/out seeing him, i mean he is so mean to me but i
still love him. and it SUX!!!!!!!!!! anyways, i kinda like
this guy named brett, i know that nothing will happen w/ us
bc he likes alex Gonzalez, actually he "loves" her, sooo im
not saying nething to neone about me liking him, he is
really hot though! same w/ eric, i like eric so much, but
of course marissa is going out w/ him. god she dosent
deserve him! she cheated on him like 4 times and he knows
about them and he is still going out w/ her, it pisses me
off how ppl can be like that...i dont know why! it just
does. hmmmm what else is there to talk about..i know i have
things to say i just dont know how to put them in words,
uhh today i was sittin in class and i wasnt even paying
attention to nething going on (i was thinking about brant
duh!!) and i started crying, bc i figured out that i love
him more than i did yesterday, and yesterday i loved him
more than the day b4 that, but i wont love him more than i
will u get it? uhh iknow its confusing, its
just that i love him more n more with everyday and it gets
harder and harder everyday, and no1 understands how i feel!
NO ONE!! i dont knwo what im suppose to do, i was hoping
that i would figure it all out this week before i saw him,
but i cant, i guess God just dosent want me to figure it
out.... but i wish i knew what i was suppose to do, i keep
having these weird dreams that me nhim are together. i dont
know, see last year i use to be scared that i would go to
highschool and forget about him and fall OUT of love with
him, but actually i went to highschool thought about him
MORE and fall MORE in love with him! uhh i dont know, when
im a junior he'll be a freshman and ill still kove him, i
know i will...and thats what sux, bc im goin to be out of
school in 3 more years....THREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! and he'll only
be a Junior, and ill be living somewhere, and ill still
love him, and i wont ever see him. actually i will bc ill
be dragging marissa everywhere and ill make her take him w/
us, thats how much i care about him, like my days SUCK
without him, but im dying when im with him bc i dont know
how to act when im around him. like im the biggest flirt w/
all the other guys, but i cant w/ him for sum reason, and
im hurting so bad inside when im with him bc he dosnt love
me!!! is this what life is all about? uhhh i hope not!! i
want so much more out of life then loving someone who
dosent love me!!! g2g luv ya