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2002-04-25 22:22:23 (UTC)

Mexican Teddy Bear

Alot has been going on in my head yet again. i dont know
why my head insists on doing this but whatever. ive been
thinking...i mean i love matt and i want to be with him and
i dont know what i would do with out him...but i dunno. its
like i am such a free spirited person, as retarted as that
may sound. i dont know about this whole being tied down
thing. like im not saying oh hey im gonna break up with
matt cause that would just be retarted but like..i dunno.
maybe i just need a break from it all or something to think
things over. gaah i dont even know if thats what i want
right now. i dont know what i want lol. i know that if i
said that to matt he would take it wrong and be like
thinking that its his fault or that he did something wrong
but it has absolutely nothing to do with him. it has to do
with me and trying to figure out what the hell i want to
do. haha i dont even know if thats what i want to do. i
dunno i guess i have some more thinking to do cause im
still waaay too confused about this. the thing is, ive been
thinking ya know..and the whole while ive been
thinking..things with matt lately seem to be getting really
strange. i mean he keeps like picking these fights with me
and hes being really mean. hes doing that whole thing where
hes just letting his friends make fun of me without doin ne
thing about it. when ne one around me makes fun of matt i
stick up for him..i dunno. im just confused like i dunno
what hes feeling and stuff. like things are changing or
something i dunno. its prolly just me cause i tend to
imagine these things. i just...i dunno if like right now i
should be in a relationship. gaah never mind bout that i
dont know what im talking bout im just trying to sort out
what im thinking. well i guess im done here. peace...amie