melange

plethora
2002-04-25 16:09:49 (UTC)

depressed

im going crazy. im just mad! im mad at everything. firstly,
school is driving my crazy...next semester is hell! and no
one understands. i feel like i always have to sacrifice
more than others. i always have the worst way, while
everyone seeks an alternative. im thinking of dropping out
next semester, just take the semester off to blow my mind.
im goin to explode. i have 6 finals to study for next week
and i didnt begin yet! i think i need some kind of therapy
or something, but im going crazy. my mom is so
annoying...she hurts me so much and she makes me cry. she
always makes me feel guilty. i cant wait to have my life. i
need to get out of here and just start my life. but first,
i need to be financially independent, so i can have a life
of my own. i feel so trapped---and no one understands. i
feel so depressed and the sad thing is i think i am. no one
understand my pain...im going through so much and i have 0
support. everyone is my enemy. i feel good when im out with
people, but when i come home and my long days are over, i
feel sad, because im here stuck with the people that make
me hurt the most. i just feel like i've been living my
life as a model for other people; i never do anything what
i want to do--i always do what others want me to do...im
overprotected and im sheltered, and i need to get outta
here to save my sanity. im so hurt i can't explain it.
college is my #1 priority, and now im fucking it up, by
rebelling....i dont feel like doing any work, and i just
want to sleep and not do anything. i just wish if it can
stop.......im sick of being hurt by people. i just want to
grow up and get out of here. it feels so much better to
write everything out.