Diario de Mi Vida
2001-05-30 17:41:27 (UTC)

May Madness

OK, I am here to write out my thoughts, ideas,
frustrations, etc. I think this will be a good exercise to
try an dpreserve my sanity!!! At the moment, my life is in
total upheaval. I am married, 9 years. Two boys, ages 8
and 3. My 8 year old was diagnosed with bipolar. Now, at
least there is a reason for his unique personality. Hubby
is going through the process too. Hopefully the medication
will help, but at the moment he is severely swinging and it
is so hard to deal with at the moment. Everyone
wants/needs/has to have (gimme, gimme, gimme) my time, my
moments, my peace of mind. I am supposed to be happy with
a smile on my face all of the time or I am in the wrong.
The three yr old gets on my nerves, the 8 year old pushes
my buttons like crazy, calls me names under his breath and
I don't even want to go there at the moment. And hubby,
dear sweet, manic/depressive mood swinging hubby.
Sometimes i fantasize about what life would be like without
them in my life and I can't picture it. I have had some
really vivid dreams these past few weeks. One involved the
clocks and the difference in time, another was my sons'
toys eating me. Yet another had to deal wth the unending
battle of keeping the house semi-clean.

I fear nothing yet I fear it all,
My mind is drifting upon the sea
I know not what the future will bring,
My body left to the elements of fall.

I have been cast adrift into the unknown,
The surge and swells of the water push
I know not where I am headed in this rush,
Into the winds of change I am thrown.

What will the future bring when it calms?
What will I do when I am not needed?
Who will I become when I am not mistreated?
When will I let bygones be bygones?

Sorry to keep going, sometimes writing is therapeutic for
me. I will come back to write some more.

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