*brokenangel*

a freak with a heart
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2002-04-25 03:26:04 (UTC)

THE WORST FUCKING DAY EVER

I WANTED TO DIE TODAY!!!!! i've been so fucking sick for
the last week or so. and i went back to school yesterday
for the first time since the wednesday before (a week ago)
and it was hell. first off i had not slept the whole night
before cause i had a major headache. so when i got to
school i slept through my first period class with the
biggest bitch of a teacher, so you can imagin how that went
over with her (not good at all, she was pissed)oh and there
were only 16 ppl in class out of 35 so she really noticed
me.
then during second i cried the whole class. don't ask
me why cause im not sure but i think it's because i was
still really sick and weak cause i don't cry in school the
only time i ever cried in school was when i had my
breakdown around the time my grandfather was really sick
and in the hospital. so it was really bad for me to be
crying in school without a reason.
then in 3rd, french, i sat in the back of the class and
didn't speak a word the whole 90min. i was still really
really weak and tired and just out of it all together. i
was on the verge of crying again but i stopped myself thank
god!!!!
4th......ok i love the people in my 4th period class,
they can always make me feel better, always bring a smile
to my face. i was sitting there doing nothing in my art
class which is just not like me at all cause as you all
know i live for art. so everyone at my table knew something
was wrong. lol so dillion, evan, and tyler started being
stupid and acting up to make me smile. i'll tell you it's
true friends that will make themselves look like asses to
make you smile. life would be so much harder without them.
then rachael wouldn't leave my side cause she was afraid i
would cry again, and she didn't want me to cry. lol then
dillion would come up behind me and i would know he was
there and he would just tickle me until i laughed, he did
this like every 7mins for 90min. lol so that made me feel
better well at least until i left, cause i needed some
attenion from someone even if it was just someone sitting
with me. but today showed me that they really care about
me. and that alone makes me smile even now, cause they are
a great group of friends, friends that i have this
connection with because we all seem to see the world in a
different light cause of the art in our blood. so we jsut
seem to understnad each other at times when i know my other
friends would think im just plan fucking nutz (lol even
though i am)!!!!!! you know all artist are insane right
lol!!!!! so it's good to have a group of friends that get
you when it seems like no one else does.
then the bus ride sucked like always!!!!!! i tried
sleeping cause i felt like i was gonna fall over or pass
out or faint but never try sleeping on a bus! it doesn't
work. so then i came home and couldn't wait to talk to my
b/f cause i fel like i was gonna cry my eyes out!!!!! but
he wasn't home. so i was alone and tired, and weak, and
sick, and really really emotional. so what did i do? lol i
curled up in my dark room under my blankets and cried for
about 30min then slept for 3 hours!!!!!! i flet a little
better after i got up, im still kinda tired but i'll be
fine cause i only have to g through a half day tomorrow
(gettin' out at 12 thank god)thne i can come home and take
a nice long bubble bath then rest. so i don't have another
break down can sink back into a depression. but you know
whati am very proud of myself, no one knows this but i've
stopped taking my medicine for my depression to see if i
could handle it and if i would be ok without it. and even
with this sickness and school i have not really been
depresed, i've been sad and down but not depressed to the
point where i didn't want anything to do with anyone. not
even after today, im still not depressed. so i've been off
it for a little over a week cause it was getting ot the
point where i just wasn't feeling like myself anymore so i
wanted to clear my head and system. to see if the medicine
was what was making me feel weird and distant. a little
longer then i know!!!!!!


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