bari_sax_blues

Stopping By The Woods
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2001-05-30 06:43:10 (UTC)

Beginnings and Endings

So, I guess I should start this all of by saying hello.
My name's Amanda. I'm 17 years old. I have aspiations of
being a musician, a poet, a writer, a composer, a lover, a
mother, a teacher, an archaeologist, and a biologist when
ever the mood takes me. So, I'm indecisive. You'll get used
to that if you plan on sticking with me through this diary
thing. I don't know how long this will last, or how often
I'll write. I pretty much just decided to do this because I
thought that it would be a good form of therapy. I keep a
lot of things inside because I hace a hadr time expressing
my thoughts verbally, so I tend to end up dwelling on
things and getting depressed; and now, more than ever, I
really don't need to be depressed.
So, where do I start? I called this entry beginnings and
endings because that's exactly what's going on right about
now. This whole diary thing is a beginning, but I'm
experiencing a lot of endings in my life right now. For
starters, my great-grandmother is dying. I know that she's
almost 90 years old, and that's she's lived a much longer
life than most of us can ever hope to attain, but it's
still really hard. It just seems like no one else really
seems to care. They just say things like," oh, well it's
not like you could have been all that close. It's not like
she was your grand-mother or anything." Like they really
know anything! I remember all the times I used to spend
with her. I remember when I used to stay with her when we
lived up north when my mother had to go on long business
trips. I remember all the summer days that I spent with
her, eating popsicles and climbing trees. I remember when
we moved down here to Florida, her, my mom, 2 dogs, 2 cats,
and a bunch f birds all packed into a mini-van. It was
truly a sight to see! And then I remember all the bad
things that I did: All the fights, all the times that I
should and could have gone to see her once she had to moved
into the nursing home, but was greedy and decided to hang
out with my friends instead. But I guess that's OK, we all
do things that we regret latter on in life. I still feel
like a really shitty person though.....
And there's that other ending; my parent's. Well, I guess
it's not over yet, but I'm really scared that it will be
ending soon. Well, it's not like it's my parent's; it's my
mom and my step-father. I guess that's a story for another
time though; when I know what's going to happen.
Other than that, I didn't really do anything much today.
Went to my best friend's house for a bar-b-q. Lots of
people there. Tim (my bf) was there too. We watched a
movie. Went home after that. Thought that I was going to
hang out with Tim later tonight, but of course that didn't
work out. That's been happening a lot lately. What can you
do? So, I drove around for a while; looking for a couple of
friend's of mine, Matt and Ian. Matt was at home, but I
didn't want to bother him there, I don't really know his
folks. Ok, I don't know his folks at all. Ian wasn't home
either when I first drove by; probably out with Sean (his
brother). I know that I could have waited for him, his dad
loves me, but I just couldn't. I was going to, but I
finally just decided that it would be to weird when he
walked in the door. Ian is a whole entry in and of himself,
which I'll save for later.
So, then I met up with Jessica again outside the movie
theater. Hung out with her and Sarah, and Val (Just some
friends), and her boyfriend Jake. Right now, Jake's
crashed, and Jess is reading out of an old book of my
poetry. I guess that they're both staying the night since
it's 4AM. Other than that, nothing much has happened today.
Well, I hope that you've enjoyed the first installment of
my diary. I'll tell you more about all the people I
mentioned later. Trust me, you'll want to stick with me,
I've got quite a life to tell you about already, not to
mention all the crazy things that will happen to me in the
future. Fate has a way of playing jokes on me.
Anyway, I'll see you later!!!
~Amanda~


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