EliseJ123

GRRRR, THIS IS WHAT I'M THINKING!
2002-04-24 04:41:29 (UTC)

Something in a shade of gray

Well, I've had requests for a diary entry, I think people
are just bored in life. Haven't been writing for a while
cause it's hard to do, but I'm kinda just sick of worried
about hurting other people's feelings. They get angry
when I write stuff about them, but then ask me to write
more. So here it goes.
1. Biggest issue in my life: Chris. I agree. Every
single inch of it is fishy, but nothing is going on. I
think Serge is either going to understand this very soon
(it only took about 15 min to calm him down today, and
he's willing to see me) or he's gonna do something
stupid. I hope he doesn't, but he's that calm angry. I
dunno what I'd do if I lost him, I mean I complain, oh
geeze do I complain, but when I think about it, I don't
have it bad at all. We have our fights and our
disagreements, but I can't imigine waking up to anyone
other than him. And it's not just cause it's always been
him, it's cause he just fits. He knows ever mood, how to
handle every situation with me, knows when to stop, when
to keep going, what face I'm gonna make (probably before I
do) . . . it's crazy and insane and makes me want to cry,
cause I dunno if anyone else in life knows me that well,
wants to know me that well, or has started to know me that
well and hasn't run away. I can't believe he thinks I'd
cheat on him, I'd have to be stupid.
2. I can't even write a 2. I think I'll just keep going
on about Serge until someone vomits. In one of Brandon's
5 "comments" today he said something about how it seems
like I'm not happy. I am happy. There are always things
about a person that drive you insane, and if you're in a
bad mood you tend to focus on them. Like how he touches
me after he washes his hands before he dries them off, it
gives me the shivers. Or how no matter how I lay he still
manages to find my ear with his nose so I get that
constant nose whistle in my ear (I think that may be one
of the things I like about him, that's a love/hate one).
Or how when he's really angry he just stops listening, but
then swears that he is. Or how sometimes he forgets that
there are other people in the world and they have needs
too. But there is so much that just makes it all better,
makes me able to grit my teeth through the bad. Like how
he melts when I cry. I mean yeah, girls crying is a
generally bad thing, but he just can't stand it, and at
that moment he'd do anything to get me to stop. Or how
some days he'll just tell me exactly what's wrong. No
games, no walls, he'll just look at me and say, "Elise,
I'm worried." Letting all his guard down. I even like
the stupid stuff, like tickles and smiles and the way he
looks when he sleeps.
3. If more than one person has vomited, my day is
complete.
4. Other crazy details. School is almost over. I start
my "job" in two weeks. Today was my last day of class for
three months. I have three finals to take and then I am
done. I move into my new apartment in less than two
weeks. I only ate one meal today (and now I am
starving). I took a VERY long nap today (no more staying
up til 4:00 in the morning). Erin is a bad roommate, she
is never here, and I am lonely, and then I get in
trouble. Big dorms and little Elise are no fun. I WANT
TO SPEND AT LEAST ONE MORE NIGHT ON TREVOR'S FLOOR! I
will miss his dorm and his laugh and Micah's pot smoking
and Jay's eye rolling and the fight between the TV and
Trev's game and the fight between Jay and Micah's music
and being considered a "roommate" cause I'm always up
there and Diablo II and staying up all night and random
intimate details and drunken trouble making and having "my
spot".
I think those are enough details for one day. I will
write more, I PROMISE. I even wrote twice today! See, I
meet the demands of my fans . . .




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