my life (as told by me)
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2002-04-23 17:22:45 (UTC)

too much time to think

hm it's the 22nd, and i'm at home, sick. hahaha. yeah sick
alright...that's beside the point. but first i wanna say a
few random things. we had an earthquake. mighty interesting
if i do say so myself. and what else. my spring break was
awesome. i've never had a more interesting one. back onto
my point for writing. first thing, is that over break, i
went to britt's church, and her pastor really made an
impact on me. even though it was only an hour service,
either way, it made me really sit back and think and
evaluate not only my relationship in the church, but
everything in my life. i'm gonna start going to church
more. i go, but not enough. mostly because i cant get up in
time to go. but i'm gonna go this sunday, and try my best
to go. the other thing i've been evaluating....well not
really evaluating, just thinking about...well same
difference...anyways, it's like this. i'm too young to be
worried about finding someone to date. someone to i dunno
be with essentially. i mean, there are so many guys out
there, and me being me, i like to look around. but i've
found one, that i really like. but i guess i probably
scared him away by all my entries, and all the things i've
said to him. i kinda came off as obsessed i guess. but i'm
an idiot like that, and now i regret it. i dont regret
meeting him, i dont regret talking to him, and least of
all, i dont regret falling for him. i regret never asking
him out, i regret coming off as weird and scaring him. so
now it's like this, i'm sitting here, falling for him more
and more, and he's probably at home like god she's
nuts...stuff like that. but dont get me wrong, he can think
what he wants, but i still like him.....and the weird thing
is this. there are so many guys out there, so many that go
after girls for looks alone. what i want to know is what
ever happened to getting to know her for who she is? not
just what she looks like. sure she may be pretty, but deep
down underneath, there is more to her....i'm only sayin
that because out of all the guys i've dated, i'd really
like to know how many saw what was down
many of them really took the time to get to know me.
because there is more to me than what you see....what i'm
after now is a relationship that i can get serious in, one
where i'm not just a toy. one where he knows me, and i know
him, and he loves me for me. it's probably too early in my
life to be looking for that, but i know eventually i'll
find him...i hope....

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