life's a bitch..it just had puppies
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2001-05-29 23:36:41 (UTC)

flakes tend to be flakey....

i went to school today around lunch time becuase i had to
finish a school presentation and term paper, it went pretty
well..i think i got an A. but as i went to 6th period
everything got worse, i cant stand teenagers...they can be
so inconsiderate, and cocky. when we get partners in that
class, nobody wants to be mine so i act like i dont want
one, but when we dong have partners everyone acts like
theyre my friend, and it hurts. sometimes i feel like i
just want to die right now, and go to heaven, at least God
loves me and actually wants to be my partner. but then i
think about the few friends i do have. and i how i dont
really try hard to make friends, and im very unsocialble,
but i do go to outings and out on the weekends, but never
meet new people. i have come to the realization that i am a
total LOSER. yep thats it, L O S E R. i dont know why i act
like that at school, i just am always tired, and i dont
feel like dealing with people, but when i do, i act like
such a nerd...when i KNOW im NOT. why cant i be funny or
smart or popular. i am beautiful, but not beautiful enough
for the guys in bakersfield, the guys here want sexy girls
with big tits, that are easy. but im not like that, i have
a different kind of beauty..mine is on the inside, i love
soccer, and i know alot of soccer chicks like to act in
their slutty ways, but they arent as good as me, cuz i
could juke them out in a second. im not easy, but im not
straight...i have a good time with guys, but only the guys
that see me for me, and adore me. like cisco, he's a real
bitch. but he tried his smoooth ways on me, and you know
what, it worked. i was stupid enough, not to listen to my
best and the bastard ended up breaking my heart. then i saw
him again about a month after, and he did it again!..now it
was mostly my fault because im so immature i cant see past
my hormones. next time i see him, if i ever do..that bitch
is gonna get it soo hard. but i do get these major crushes
on guys that i wont tell a soul, because i cant describe
how i like the guy, i used to like this guy at school named
casey. yea, he was what you call perfect boyfriend
material. when i met him he was going out with this
gorgeous girl named stephanie, and i talked to him online
like a LOSER like me would do, cuz im too embarrased to
come up to him at school, but one day i get the guts too
(this is after he broke up with steph), and hes really
nice, verrr verrry nice. and i started to get one of those
little girl crushes on him were i couldnt keep my eyes off
of him and thought about him every second. well we became
pretty good friends, and went to the movies a couple times,
but that was about it..casey never at all or will have the
slightest intrest in me, im a frosh, and hes a sophomore, i
know thats not that big of an age difference, i mean cisco
was a senior, but caseys different. he has his own little
cliques with his girls and his boys. and im an outsider
that cant be let in, not cuz he wont let me, its the girls,
they stare me down, think im some kind of idiot for trying
to get with him when i was only trying to be his friend,
they kept asking me, are you and casey talking?...it really
made me think, and i came to the conclusion that casey and
i had a big bro little sis relationship, he thought of me
as a little sis and that was it..end of story..imust

ps. oh yea about the flakey thing, my sis didnt go to
school today, and in PE the girl she hangs out with TRIED
hanging out with me, and we are totally different. and we
kinda walked around but i totally hated it too death, then
we went into the locker room early and i went to my row to
get dressed and she said she'd brb, and when i was done, i
went to her row to go walk around and the little bitch was
gone...she ditched me