Nick's Journal
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2002-04-23 02:06:38 (UTC)

Why I and you try to be good people

I have a mouse sitting next to me. His name is
heathcliff. Friday night luke brought him in and now he is
sitting in our new trashcan, cos dave holocaustefied our
old one. He's sitting next to me and he smells like shit,
mainly because his feces are in the trash can. I guess i
can take credit for "saving" this mouse, but hell i didn't
really do shit. i sit here and type while he chills and
eats all of dave's honey nut cheerios. I feel bad for him
though just because i'd hate to be trapped in such a
confined container and bottom line is i don't like seeing
caged animals (unless they're humans).
so yeah atleast he's not being eaten alive outside.
i gave some money to a charity organization that will
supposedly give it to the needy. whether or not they do
is beyond me, but i feel like i'm a good person. i did it
just so that i could write it here. i coulda paid for my
friends but who the fuck cares about that right? now i
can say that some poor alicia lopez alexandria juan
gonzalez can now eat a beef meximelt or whatever the fuck
they eat. yes i'm a good person and why do i want to be
one? why not just be a megalomaniac (constantly not just
at oppurtunistic occasions), why aren't we all just cold-
blooded hypocrites who pursue our own interests and rape
every body in our way?
no doubt we help others because we feel good about
ourselves. but let's be optimistic about it. let's take
an extreme case. this person loves the attention he/she
gets from helping others so much and believes in what they
do so much that they do it their entire lives. martin
luther king jr. must have loved helping others and
himself, but does that make him an ass? mother theresia?
gandhi? i think inherently we know who's doing the right
thing. if one does something so much they eventually
become a product of what they do.
an accountant turns into his numbers, a poet into his
poems, a writer into his books, a musician into his
music. so wouldn't it make sense that it has a placebo
affect on someone that helps others for the sole
glorificatoin of himself? at first he does it just so
that people pat him on the back. he loves it so much he
does it for more tpats............and after a while, it's
like pavlov's dog (only nothing like it) you take away the
pat on the back and the person is merely rewarded by the
smile on the persons face who he's helping......

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