Short Stuff

the ordinary of the unordinary
2002-04-22 22:17:49 (UTC)

Utterly lost in thought

The more I think about things the more i find my self in
mixed feelings and just plan confussed. I know it seems
selfish almost but its just as hard to be in the spot light
as it is to be pushed out. I find the more options I get
open I want less and when I have less I want more. I've
been talkign to kenji almost everynight and really loving
it. It just really confusses me cause i don't knwo wht to
do. I don't think I want a relationship but then sometiems
I say wow it'd be muh nicer and easier. and at the same
time I say I wana get back with kenji but I dont' kow if I
can face that again. I just dont' feel ready still yet and
I dont' knwo why I dont' I don't nwo whats missing but I
hope I'll figure it out soon. I'm also very irriated wwith
danielel in the fact that when she kows I like soemthign
and decide not to pursue it she has to pursue it. ts very
irriaing and soemtiems I feel i could be so much more thn
she is but only few people make me feel that way. and she
definatly doesn't. one I wish i could just break away and
have friends with out her horning in on them. and i wish I
could do to her what she always does with me. i hate
feelign inferior to her when i know i'm not. To me it
almost feels likes shes turning into a smaller version of
my like bigest enemy. with thinking she's hot shit and
thinkign shes the best yet still complaining with what she
has. I don't even knwo I've felt liek such an evil person
latly and have little patience for some people about the
only two peopel i can deal with is kenji and marc right now
and I dont' talk to marc as much as I do keji. I just
dont' knwo




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