Lenore the fool

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2002-04-22 21:04:53 (UTC)

Yeah i suck

Have you ever had something that totally tookover your
mind. I feel like I am facing impending doom. I can't
concentrate on anything. I know I'm going to break his
heart again. And I just feel so bad about it. I can't think
about anything else. I don't want to do anything I just
want to sit and mope. But I can't. I'm at school right
now. In class I can phase it out and go in on my ownmind
but not too deep because if i do that i'll lose it and i'll
end up crying. I don't know what to do. I'm just not in
love with him anymore, but I don't want to make him sad but
I don't think it is doing either of us any good being with
each. And that I am in love with someone else doesn't
help. God I haven't talked to him in forever it seems.
Well email but that doesn't really count. Maybe I should
get online more...but lately I haven'thad the energy. And
I don't want to be a loser and sit and hope that he comes
on. I just want to sleep nowadays. Or veg out on the TV in
other words hide from the world.And I'd sayI don't know why
but that's a lie. I do. I'm afraid f having to deal with
my feelings. I'm afraid of telling people too muchand
hurting people's feelings. I'm afraid of getting snubbed
why isn't this year over yet? Why haven't I graduated? WHY
AM I STILL DEALING WITH ALL THIS SHIT? I wish I was
heartless and could do what I wanted, but even now I only
half mean that. I wish it butnot really. I don't want to
hurt people. WHat is wrong withme why can't I ever do what
is best for me?


~Lenore*


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