camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-04-22 08:19:26 (UTC)

beautiful

i have grown a distaste for people. i see the faces i will
dislike for the rest of my life.

while others see smiles and cheer, i see sarcasm and
falseness. i take comfort in the birds who fly in the air,
left behind by their flock as they move in preparation for
winter.

autumn. there's something beautiful about the death of
things. i see people walk as if they were dead.

i see the face of a god in the burning sky. the red clouds
reach from the face, stretching to the ends of the earth.
another evening scene. only this time it is not blue and
black, it's red...exploding with flames as the sun turns
his face away from the world.

the god has disappeared. i see cloud mountains in the
horizon. bright pink against the silver sky. beautiful. i
want to jump, reach that faraway mountain, and ride with
the wind to the place where life will have meaning.

i am broken.

soon i will leave this apartment. this window where i have
witnessed two evening skies. i will move to another place
where i will not see the sky, but the gargoyles with their
stone bodies and frozen wings. they stand on the brick wall
a few metres away from my balcony, my window. beautiful.

i am a gargoyle. ugly to the eyes of people. forever
standing, watching the world go by. how i would love to
spread my wings and fly...to the sky...to see the lights of
the world, to feel the wind pound against my beating heart,
to fall from grace.

i am alone. i live my life with lies.

the mountains have disappeared. i see an island. i see an
alligator with a thousand legs. i see a floating pig. i see
an arrow flying into the mouth of a screaming rabbit. i see
a spear enter the opening and exit from the skin.

i see spirits. i see a woman jumping off a building.

i see a star. alone. tiny. it twinkles steadily against the
dark sky. my source of strength.

i see the beauty in horrors, and the horrors in beauty.
fair is foul and foul is fair.

beautiful. empty.