My Diary
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2002-04-22 04:47:45 (UTC)

Loving Chris

Well, i haven't written in a while, a lot has been going
on tho.....i finally found out what it was that chris did
that was "really sweet" for me.....he wrote me a letter and
sent this poem that he had written for me a while back
after i first found out he had cheated on me, here it is:

If I could turn back the hands of time
There would be nothing I wouldn't do for you
Forever honest and true to you
If you accept me back in your heart
I LOVE YOU, That would be my will
I'm going down, down, on bended knee
That is where I will stay until you return to me

Awww......see isn't that just the sweetest thing.....he's
never been so sweet to me in all my life, he's actually
been treating me really good here lately, he's told me he
realizes what he's gonna loose if he doesn't stop playin
around with me the way he has for the last while, he's
decided he wants to spend the rest of his life w/ me! can
you believe it, he actually asked me to marry him! and i
said yes, i love him that much, and i'm only 16! but he's
gotta save the money to get the ring, he's already picked
it out and everything. i think it's just amazing how much
he's changed his actions and stuff towards me, in the
letter he wrote that he didn't think he could even wake up
every morning knowing that i didn't love him anymore. i
swear, i miss him so much, and i know someday we're gonna
be together, we're promised to one another, it's just weird
tho, cause right now we can date around and stuff, and i'm
not so sure that i want to do that, i mean, scotty tonight
told me he might ask me out cause he really liked me, but i
dont know, i dont wanna hurt scotty, me and him have been
friends for like 2 years now, and i dont wanna loose that
friendship over a relationship that i knew wouldn't last to
begin with, it's just not worth it. i just hope i can make
him see that and him not be mad for me turning him down. i
finally gave up on one guy at school, i realized he's like
totally still in love with his ex-g/f and well, he's gonna
move next school year anyways, no use in starting something
that'd just have to end soon anyways, right, so we'll just
stay good friends for now, even tho, sometimes i can't
stand how rude and obnoxious he can be, but it's ok, i
still love him to death. i kinda like this other guy at
school now, and i think he likes me, but i dont know if he
will act on it or not, he dated a pretty good friend of
mine not long ago, and well, she did him wrong, and he's a
sweetheart, and i'd at least like to try it and see where
it goes, but i definitly dont see me gettin into any long
term stuff cause of chris tho, i mean, honestly, why
jeopardize the one REAL TRUE thing i have in my life, and
that's chris., so i dont know, we'll just have to see what
happens, but not matter what, i think my heart will lead me
back to chris, it always has before, and i dont think it's
gonna stop anytime soon, our love for one another is just

(for Christopher....)
*Missing someone gets easier every day because even though you are
farther away from the last time you saw them, you are closer to the
next time you will*
~You are everything I never knew I always wanted~
*When I really miss you, i don't have to go far...I just look inside
my heart, 'cause that's where you ALWAYS are*
~Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living, then i see your SMILE,
and I KNOW IT IS!~
*I want you to lock in me in your heart and throw away the key!*