blondzila

Kinetic
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2002-04-21 20:26:29 (UTC)

Stinging

Last night was another of gillian's wonderful get
togethers. There were a few couples there that I'd either
never met face to face but knew online or just didn't know
at all. Philip Akin and shadoe were there - very genuine
people from all appearances. There were some other people
there that we weren't introduced to and Rob's not one for
small talk - he takes a long time to get used to the
water. shadoe had also asked people to participate in a
toy testing thing she was doing for her ezine. Rob is
just so protective, he wasn't going to have anything to do
with it. He's also there at gillians to play. Play
first, and then maybe socialize. Play went well - he's
turning it up a notch here and there and I'm doing ok - a
little more sighs and noises caught in my throat, but I'm
feeling good about it.

When we got home, I had visions of nasty sex. We both
fell asleep. It was pathetic....

Our 6th anniversary was Friday. I remember being with
Greg at 3 years and looking down this bottomless pit of
dreary nothing. No feelings other than claustrophobia and
lethargy, a strange but gangrenous combination. I'm still
happy with Rob. At times, almost stupid happy. I'm
noticing though as Adam's approaching puberty, he's giving
quite subtle signs of being almost jealous of any time I
spend with Rob. I don't give any serious credence to
Freud, but fleeting thoughts of Oedipus cross my mind. I
just have to make sure that now, more than ever, I balance
my time between them. I don't want to coddle Adam, but I
don't want to alienate him either.

~B


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