Tainted

Disillusioned
2002-04-21 12:24:51 (UTC)

'no title' he's not worth it

I watch how the moon sits in the sky
On a dark night shining with the light from the sun
The sun doesnt give a light to the moon
Assuming the moon's going to owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favours and then rapidly
You just turn around and start asking me about
Things you want back from me

i dont know how to start this entry.
the feeling of the day is fuck arse

Friday night was arse
Saturday night was arse

I dont understand, wednesday night he was totally into me,
invited me round on Friday.
i turn up with lots of us on friday, fair enough, he's
working, but he blanks me all night.
i told him i wanted to go, he said he'd only be a few
minites then we could talk "don't worry it's nothing bad"
so me and tina waited upstairs for bout 30 mins. Then Nick
comes in telling us mikes downstairs getting pissed with
the 2 new aussie girls. i left.

Saturday night i thought i could get away from myself at
the grange for a quiet drink with Tina, ella and polly. i
did for a bit. except wen tina left she told me mike
fancied one of the aussie girls. least everything fell into
place, but i felt sick.
i dont know whether it was because i got so badly blasted
or whether i like him so much. but i feel totaly gutted. i
sent him a text;

'If you want to be with someone else, just tell me, im not
going to be cut up about it'

'no one else, i just dont think its working'

'thats cool, but you could have told that to my face'

'you asked me over sms so i told you over sms'

'you had plenty of time to tell me last night'

'lets not start this over sms if you want to talk about it
i will talk to u when i get back from my trip'

'no its fine, but if you want to talk to me after your trip
you know where i am, have a good time'

(of course with the help of pol and ella)

it made me feel better because i got one up on him. but him
not texting me back proves what a dick head he is.
everyones telling me i deserve better and that h a total
wanker. i appreciate this, but it doesnt make me fell
happy, commments like this make me wanna kill myself

1# Tina; maybe next time your be more careful (its her
fucking fault im in the position im in now- i dont trust
her over this at all)

2# Rebeka; you do pick them. first you have loadsa guys
after you, now you have none!

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH

at the moment im listening to some cool tunes to make me
smile.
me, pol and ella decided i should become anarexic, thats my
next task. through the writing of this entry i feel
slightly better. sometimes it helps to get all my thought
sorted instead of them being all jumbled in my head.
this sounds sad but if he appoligised i would take him
back. its awful i know. but i think i would just be doing
it so i could hurt him like he's hurt me.

Disappointment stops by from time to time
to see how i'm doing
and she came by last night right after you left..
my life in ruin
When I don't get what I want
the spoiled child inside breaks down
kicking, screaming, praying and dreaming
for a love, lost and found
oh well I wish we never,
I wish we never,
wish we never met
cause now I've got my heart set on you





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