S

trapdoors
2002-04-20 23:17:22 (UTC)

friday's entry is lost. here's saturdays.

i wrote last night, friday, and i closed the window (the
page). it's okay though. it's probably for the better.

today is awful. last night was sort of eventful. i ended
up hanging out with some decent lads. my friends and i
were walking on the south side and these guys were calling
from their windows, telling us to stop and come up and hang
out with them. they were yelling, "smell the glove". ha.
a reference to spinal tap. so we ended up hanging out with
them for a little. they're in a band called "nightmare
scenerio", and the funny thing is i know one of them. he
lives in selinsgrove, which is so funny because that's so
close to my hometown. no one knows where i'm from and it's
cool to see someone who is from that area. the apartment
they were in was cool but the girl who lives there treated
me and my friends really shitty. so she sucked. everyone
else seemed nice. the one guy was from Williamsport, which
isn't too far from my town either. So it was cool to talk
to them for a bit. and a plus, they were pretty cute as
well.
there was one guy i saw last night who sort of rocked my
socks though, he was passing out these flyers to this
concert. he was walking up and down carson street and i
saw him walk past the diner a few times and finally i
knocked on the window and got his attention. i had to talk
to him, if only just for a few seconds. he came in and
looked so cute. oi. but all i could talk about was the
flyer. i didn't even ask him his name. i'm too fucking
shy. sometimes i'm not though. it's like i have two
personalities or something.
so i came back late, like five am, and went to my friend's
room to crash for a little, cuz my roommate was here and
she needed the room to be quiet. i wasn't ready to sleep
yet. i swear i can't go to sleep before 3 or 4 anymore.
it's a good thing i'm rooming by myself next year because
no one goes to sleep as late as i do, except my dork sqad.
my friends that is. i like to call us that.
it was cool walking downtown early thursday morning, around
six am. it felt like the people in this city disappeared
and it was just me and a few of my friends. we were taking
my one friend to the bus station. she's in long island
right now, wondering how she's doing. she got to meet this
guy, brian downey, from this show on sci-fi, who she
adores. hopefully she's having a good time.
it was cool to be out that night. i made up a little ditty
while sitting at the bus stop. i watched these guys go bye
with their coffee and their briefcase and starting making
up a little tune.

"i've got my coffee,
i've got my briefcase,
and now i'm walking to the office,
where i'm working my shift of 9-5,
then i'm going to come home,
and shoot my girlfriend between the eyes..."

ha. it just made me think of how stifled one must feel to
work that shift everyday and for so long. like my dad. i
just wouldn't be happy. and i feel like that will probably
be me in five years, but i'd probably go crazy like the
person in my song. god. i don't want to be like that.
i don't know if i'll graduate or not. at this rate, i
won't. i'm sitting here still putting off everything i
need to do for this last week of school and i'm
contemplating not even doing anything. my friends want me
to go out with them and i do because it's my excuse not to
work. i don't want to do this stuff anymore. i don't want
to feel forced with deadlines and assignments and papers.
it makes me feel ill. i can't stand it anymore. yet i am
getting tired of going out. i just want to hide under the
covers for a long while. i didn't even want to go to
dinner tonight. i'm hoping this medicine i'm on will make
me feel more energetic and not sleep all day. of course i
need to day sleep if i don't at night, there's no way
around that. oh well. summer is coming soon. i can work
at night and sleep during the day. i can make it work.
but for the fall, when i come back here, well i have no
idea if it will work out. school doesn't look too
promising for me anymore. but nothing else does either.

suzanne




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