golden_sheila

Truth, Love and Lies
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2001-05-28 20:46:19 (UTC)

God Can be Fun!

Every time I am around the church people, i feel more and
more like i do not belong in that group. They are very
nice to me, but we just don't all click...they all look at
me like something is wrong with me, because I have not been
in church all my life and been competetive in sports and
stuff. All of them are leaving for Belgium, but i have
questions...where in the Bible does it say that it is bad
to have fun. I seem to want to have way more fun than any
of them. Especially Nicole, poor girl, she is just so
stiff all the time. I seem to just surprise her so much
when I am only being half as fun as usual. She seems to
think that i am still sinful like i used to be. don't get
me wrong, I have committed some sins after I got saved, but
who doesn't sin, saved or not??? I am trying my best not
to, but it seems they want to control my life and not let
God control it. They want to tell me how to live, and many
of the things they say are not in the bible as far as I
know. I want to be obedient, but it is so hard, if being
obedient means not having a sense of humor or friends I can
joke around with at all. I just want a close friend that
understands me and how I am and the way I feel about
things, and then tells me if I am really doing something
wrong. I want a Normal friend. These people are like
holier than now, but they have forgotten that one can have
fun, even when they believe in God. It just drives me nuts
sometimes. I am really getting the feeling as though this
is not the church for me after all. I am going to pray
about it, but I love going to that church. It is very
uplifting, but I feel a sadness on my heart about being a
member, like that maybe I was not supposed to be one.

On a lighter note, i had a wonderful night of dreams last
night....i dreamed a whole night about Justice. I just
can't stop thinking about him. I feel as though this may
be the right thing for me. Kristy told me not to settle
down, i am too young for all that, but i am not even
thinking about settling down, i just know I get excited
thinking about him and i want him to think i am really
awesome in every way. I am all scared now, cuz i am
beginning to feel like maybe i am very attracted to him,
but i have never even really had a conversation with him.
I don't even know him, but i can't stop thinking about his
cute little smile and beautiful body. What if he is dumb
or something or has some serious family problems that I
don't know about??? I don't even know these basic
things...I need to find out, for my own peace of mind, but
my dad is here right now and I can't just go over there and
find out if he likes me or not....i guess i like the
game...what is so wrong with playing a little?? I think you
should do that to find out if the guy is right. I think i
may go over there today and flirt a little. Screw what
nicole says about dating. I think dating is perfectly fine
with God, just no sex. I will update later if I go over
there.

love,
sarah


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