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2002-04-20 12:17:04 (UTC)


Today is the day.....PROM 2002. I'm ready for it to be over
more than anything. Tonite should be fun though. A whole
bunch of us are going to Atlanta to go clubbing. I thought
about drinking, but I will end up being the DD, which is
cool with me. I just get that natural high off of being
around new people and new experiences. It's all good w/ me.
I think we will end up getting rooms. I really don't want
to get a room w/ Keyon. I would just feel funny. Travis
asked me if I wouldn't mind sharing a room w/ him.....I
think I would feel better in that situation. I mean, Keyon
is cool, but other than school and a few occassions...we
really haven't chilled together. I'm more comfortable
sleeping in a room w/ someone I have w/ in the past. Me and
Travis slept in the same bed when I went up there for New
Year's. I don't know. After all the fun, I might not care
where I end up lying down. But anyway, I talked to Leroy
last nite on Yahoo. We didn't talk about much. I just got
off after a while because I lost the urge to talk to him.
He was talking to someone else when he was talking me.
What's wrong with me? I got.....not jealous, but something
of it's nature.....when he told me that. I want to say
things will change for us, meaning that this go around we
won't argue about anything. BUT(the big BUT) I don't think
I will change. I do feel like he will tip-toe around things
because maybe he won't want it to be like that. But
me.....the lil things still make me upset. What does that
say about me? I don't think I'll ever be satisfied w/ him.
It's the chain....I'll want a friendship from him....then a
relationship(maybe not!)....marriage(hell
nawl!).....j/k!!!! But I don't think it will ever be right.
That's not to say that I will stop talking. I'll keep
talking until I just don't feel like it anymore. Anyway,
Dee emailed me this:

These are two poems that i found on the net that i kinda

Whether you know it or not our friendship/yourfrienship
means a lot to me even if i don't show it because i 'm not
that type of person right now. when you're ready to talk or
whatever, i'm here. Holla

I turn the corner, and there you are,
While we both pretend not to see the other.
We keep walking, our eyes straight ahead,
And I'm grateful, as we pass one another.

We were best friends for two years,
Two years of laughter, two years of tears.
In the short time of bliss,
We had promised to be friends for years.

But those ‘years' have now been altered,
And the friendship has lasted just two.
I hope that it's not the end,
This is a friendship that will hopefully be won.

The hardest part of being a friend
is knowing when you need it a little
and when you need it a lot.

So just in case you're in need
of a friendly "hi" today,
I wanted to let you know I'm here still caring,
still thinking about you,
and still being your friend.

What should I get from that? It's hard to want to believe
she is trying to be sincere because once again....I feel
like her motives are only to be selfish. I don't know what
to think. I had it made up in my mind to let it go because
I felt like it was something that could not be saved. Can
it be? I remember getting mad @ Eilene for saying that
people never cared about her because they wouldn't call to
let her know important stuff. I found myself in a situation
like that yesterday. My brother wrecked the car yesterday
and I was up there(38HOT!). So, I saw a lot of people pass
by and they were looking to be nosey. Well, I saw Jacan go
by....actually, she was up there at GMC(where the wreck
happened)....but she didn't stop. She rode by twice and
didn't stop. What does that say about friendship? Although
it wasn't me, she saw me and the car.....she could have at
least stopped and asked what happened. Yeah, I know we
aren't talking, but if you felt something for someone, no
matter what, you would be concerned. I mean, Brian and
Donta....two people I don't talk to anymore...rode by and
at least spoke to see that things were straight. Kinda
makes you think about the type of people you give time to
verses the ones you don't. Who cares the most? Well, I
guess I'll skip on outta here....I have a long day ahead of
me***Please don't let me trip at Lead Out***



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