Theories, Thoughts, & What Ifs
2001-05-28 18:21:09 (UTC)

To Love Once Again

As I sit here and type, I reflect on my life... As a person,
I'm nothing more than the next joe sitting beside me. As a
friend, I'm the one that does the consoling. As the
significant other, I'm the one that's unyielding and cold.

How is it that even though, I can be the solid wall for a
friend; I can't even have some sympathy in a relationship?
Maybe what everyone tells me is true, I need to learn how to
love once again. Somewhere between the falling in love for
the very first time and now, I lost the will to love. What
love I do have left, is barely enough to get me through a
whole day.

Yes, I do love who I'm with now; but I feel that there could
be more. More on my part to show how much I really do care,
and how sympathetic I can be, and to be confident enough to
return the hug in public. But at this point in time, I
can't... I don't know how. People say that I'm cold and
sometimes even heartless. And on certain days I completely
agree, but on the days that I don't agree, I wonder. Is this
the person I want others to see me as? What happened to the
me from so long ago? The person who was only capable of
loving and being loved?

The only answer I could come up with: I never wanted to be
hurt again, so I turned whatever love I had in me off. And
now I'm stuck with who I have become. Everyday I'm learning
something new, so I just have to wait until I relearn how to
be the person I used to be... The person who loved with no
fear and no boundries.

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