daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
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Ezoic
2002-04-19 13:27:32 (UTC)

Purity

Some divine or unnatural force must want me to stay a
virgin. The sunburn I got from my yardwork the other day
is really taking its toll on my sanity. My upper back is
one giant weeping blister that throbs painfully. I had to
wear a skirt to work yesterday and not wear my smock
because the backs of my calves and my back hurt so much. I
was miserable; the blisters kept popping and getting my
shirt wet. When my shift was finally over it was time to
go home and get ready for my date with Josh. Talk about an
shitload of agony.

Jbug and M helped me clean it off and put aloe on it,
which hurt horribly, and didn't seem to help much. I had a
shirt on over my tank top and it kept sticking to my back
all night. Dinner was good, even though they sent me the
wrong meal (I ordered fettuccini with chicken, they sent it
with ham-not bad, though) and we saw "Changing Lanes". It
was a pretty good movie-not the kind I usually watch, but
good nonetheless. I didn't feel the huge need to
sarcastically shoot it down, which is a real accomplishment
for a filmmaker, heh.

Josh dropped me off at my house with an invitation to
stay all night, which I accepted (whether I should've or
not remains to be seen). When I walked in the door I
peeled off the green shirt and bent over to pet Dinah.
Petey jumped on the chair and raked his claws down my
back. I think I screamed loud enough to wake the dead and
could only huddle in the fetal position and whimper for a
few minutes. It was so awful. I got some pajamas and
headed out to Josh's. I didn't have on my green three-
quarter sleeve top when I went, just the white tank I'd
worn under it. He couldn't believe my back when he saw
it. He kept saying, "I had no idea it would be this bad."
But he kissed me and said everything would be ok. I
thought he'd be disgusted with me and distant, but he was
actually the opposite. He said he was sorry I was burnt,
though. Heh, of course he is. But then again, so am I.
So no real snuggling that night.

Then when I changed into my pj's I noticed something-
I'd started my period. So no action was gotten by Josh or
I last night. All due to stupid old me. Perhaps I was
meant to stay immaculate. Who knows? L keeps telling me
to wait, wait, wait. I love her so much. I don't know
what I'd do without her. Anyway, I tossed and turned all
night because my back kept sticking to the sheets and
Josh's arms and chest. This morning he said it looked
worse because it was still wet and was beginning to scab
over. Yuck. But he still held me and kissed me goodbye.
And promised to call. I hope he does. I was so worried
that he'd think I was so gross and nasty and just give me
up. I told him that, sort of, and he laughed a bit and
said that yes it does look nasty (heh, I guess) but it was
ok because I'd heal in a few days.

I suppose I should be grateful to my own stupidity and
Mother Nature. Both things have caused the relationship to
slow down, which is just what I wanted. But why did it
have to come with the crap that is huge blisters and period
cramps? I guess one just has to pay the piper. I know I
will someday because Josh makes me so happy. But I'll
cross that bridge when I come to it. I want to live in the
moment right now.

Something odd that I've noticed is that for the longest time, I
could sleep for three hours or ten hours and still feel exhausted
when I woke up. It was as if I'd slept, but gotten no real rest.
When I sleep with Josh, even if it's just for a few hours, I feel
rested and ready to take on the world when I awaken. Hrm, go
figure. But it's a nice thought...

I talked to Crys for the first time in a while
yesterday. I just had to call her, but I really don't know
why. I still love her to death-she's been a loyal friend
since day one-but we're so different and have almost
nothing in common but our own intertwined pasts. I worry
about her and Lexie. I'm going to have to make it to
Nashville sometime this summer and see her.

On that note, I must leave. Until next time I remain
in burning bleeding and weeping agony,

K.


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