camicazy

Meshed Up
2002-04-19 10:34:45 (UTC)

i want you

things are not going my way. not at all. i'm pissed off
again. pissed off and sad. i wanna go to the shower and
break down.

i wanna make you cry. i wanna hurt you till you can't take
it anymore. i'll wrap my wire around your heart and squeeze
till all the blood comes pouring out.

i want you to feel my pain. i want you to scream from the
agony, from this madness that consumes me. i want you to
see the way i see things. i want you to feel my fury, want
you to see this black tangled heart beat against my chest,
my body, as it bleeds for you.

i want you to feel the tears that run down my eyes. i want
you to see it change from water to blood as it drips onto
the table. i want you to see the pain in the tears...i want
you to see your face as it mocks you. do you see the man
hanging behind my eyes?

do you see the pain in my smile? do you see how the lips
tremble? do you see the crease in my forehead? do you see
the fists clenched beside my body?

do you see my fingers pound against the piano keys in fury?
do you see the madness in my words? do you see the glazed
over eyes, the smoke filled mind? the labyrinth where you
are to be for all eternity?

do you see the scars buried under my skin? the slashes that
used to live and breathe on my arms? do you see the part on
my finger where the flames licked and tasted and peeled?

can you not see that i will come back for you? that i am
sad but i am mad? that i am mad but i will get even?

i was used, abused. i will use, abuse. i will find someone
to bruise. let the darkness engulf the things that should
not be seen. let the pain hide behind the curtain of joy.