Ophelia

comments please! i need feedback!

may 27, 11:02 p.m.
song of the moment: drunken love song by tami hart

to anyone who reads this on a regular basis, this isnt
going to be at all like my normal entries. this entry is
just about getting feedback on a situation i'm having, one
that i consider quite important. ok, so the situation. if
you're catholic this will make more sense i suppose but
anyway, even if you're not keep reading. ok i'm supposed to
be getting confirmed in november which i'm extremely
opposed to seeing as i'd be a complete hypocrite if i went
through with it. so theres this meeting thing about it
tomorrow and yesterday i told my parents that i'd been
thinking about it a lot and i dont feel like i can go
through with it to which they responded that in all my
years of life it was the stupidest thing i had ever said
and until i move out they control my religion. and then my
father said the most ignorant thing i've ever heard in my
life: "if you dont want to be catholic, you must be a
satanist then". i mean its like what the hell am i supposed
to do. because i actually thought it over unlike most
people who just go along with it without questioning it,
they want me to live a complete lie. but the funny part is
that i'm not even an atheist. i do believe in god, but i
believe that god only exists within people and that the
only way to worship god is to live your life by treating
other people in a god-like manner and all in all, god is
nothing more than the desire of people to do good. really,
love is the force that causes everything. thus it being my
idea of what "god" is. love is the only devine force that
exists. i dont look at "god" in a catholic point of view.
and i cant swear that i will live my life in that manner if
i'm not going to. and as far as the "we control your
religion until you move out" comment, they already did that
when i was baptized. confirmation is about it being MY
choice to make a committment to the catholic church. i dont
know what to do. which is why i'm asking for feedback. so
please please please let me know what you think i should
do. i would beyond appreciate it...thanks so much, ophelia