American Spirit
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2001-05-28 04:09:23 (UTC)

Sudden Brakes

not brakes like a ten min. cig. but the bone crunching
tearing your heart out kind. so many people are gone from
me and so many people i miss. Even the people i
shouldn't. somewhere in the back of my head i am ignoring
issues that still enter the forefront of my heart
occasionally. half affraid of the future half anticipating
it. I sit and allow the world around me to wash over me
like a floodgate had opened around me. i am partly stuck
moving where i am expected to move and partly hanging on to
where i want to be with dear life. should i just let it
flow for a while? should i go where the world takes me?
do i struggle to find my nitche in this insanity we call a
world? which drugs do i take to make the pain go away?
isn't writing enough? Singing? Dancing? Playing my soul
out through false acts or bitterness? where can i find
strength? i find it in you who had that courage to leave
more than just people but places and dreams and hopes. I
am in a world where the walls are crumbling around me and i
sit refusing to look and instead i hide myself in things
that i can do and things that i can say. will anyone ever
live happy? is there really such a thing as peace? is
there anything that is truelly beautiful? is there
anything such as not getting booted? i can't say.

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