Jackster

The Life of Jack
2002-04-19 03:28:36 (UTC)

The Soap Opera that is my Life

Ok, this whole soap opera thing has been going on for a
while now, since like February. I'll put my point of view
down, since I can't really put anyone elses on how it's all
gone out. There's a girl who's in Madrigals with me named
Kira Vine and you'll find that most of this whole story
revolves around the whole weird thing that she and I have.
Back in February, right before we left for the NY trip, I
sent her a little e-mail as a \"Secret admirer\", except
I
made it fairly obvious that it was me, i just felt like
making it into a game of sorts. Anyways, I get a very
encouraging response to it and we even get a little
passcode to let her know who it is. Well, the day goes by
and I use the little passcode literally right before I get
thrown off to 5th period. Anyways, I saw her again at the
airport that afternoon, (remember that this is leaving for
the NY trip), and she seems to be kind enthusiastic about a
relationship or something like that, I mean we walked next
to each otehr through all the security and while waiting
for the plane. When we get on the plane, we realize that
she's way the hell back in the back and I'm right next to a
wing. Well, before we take off, she comes up and after 5
minutes of pleading gets the seat next to me. So I'm
feeling pretty good right now, I mean hey, the girl I like
just fought to get the seat next to me on the plane ride
up. It also happens that Kira's less than enthusiastic
about flying, so I get to be the comferting factor which
basically means a hand to squeeze and a shoulder to lean
on. So I'm feeling VERY good about myself right now. The
whole plany ride is rather nice if a bit hot, and before I
really wanted it, we were in NYC. Well, we sat next to each
other on the bus ride to the hotel too, so I'm thinking to
myself, "I'm finally going to get a girlfriend." That night
Kira comes over to my room and we have a brief little
discussion about what exactly we want from this whole
thing, I'm not sure if relationship is the right word,
Hell, right now I don't know WHAT the Hell to call it.
Anyways, we kinda hang out during the trip since we're in
the same chaperone group and all. I was being a little
attached to her, but I didn't think anything of it, I mean,
hey, I just liked being around her, kinda weird huh? Well,
I suppose she just got freaked out by that a little bit
and, as I later learned, had developed a crush on one of my
roommates named Spencer Smith who I've known for about 6
yr. now. So basically I feel like my heart was just ripped
out and set on fire and I blamed myself for the whole
thing. I guess the final straw for it was the ticket. You
see, I had a ticket to Lez Miserables or however the Hell
you spell it, and she had a ticket to Oklahoma. Well, she
wanted to see Lez Mis, but we couldn't find a person who
wanted to trade with her. So I thought to myself, \"I don't
actually care which show I see, I haven't seen either one,
and maybe she'll like me more." So I trade tickets with her myself.
Well, THAT plan backfired rather nicelly and I spent the majority of
the rest of the trip feeling completely miserable. Well, I learn like
the day we were leaving to go home that Spencer had a g/f, I
hadn't known before. Therefore the persistant part of me
thought, \"DUDE!! SHE'S STILL AVAILABLE!!!!\" So I kinda
keep
my distance a bit, no need to freak her out again, but I
was definently happy about the possibility of a second
chance. Well, after we get back, I ask Kira to Prom, which
was really weird for her, so she said no after a lot of
deliberation. Well, here's were the fun REALLY begins,
there's another girl I like, Emily Ingram, and I ask HER to
prom and she says yes, so I've got a date to Prom. Did I
mention that Kira and Emily are good friends? Really? Yeah,
that makes the whole thing kinda weird for me because I
like Emily a little bit, I mean, she's a great person and
is quite attractive to me, but Kira....Damn, if I didn't
know better I'd almost think I'm in love with her. I mean,
I've probably asked her to start a relationship about 5
times now, and I've gotten different reasons for \"No\"
each
time. Now I'm leaving out a lot of stuff because my hands
kinda hurt right now, but I'm getting the basics in.
Anyways, I take a friend out bowling with us one time to
get him hooked up with a girl i know from lunch named Suzie
Pfaff, and she doesn't show, so it's just me, Matt (the
friend), Kira, Karen Conner, and Megan....uh....Megan
something or other, it's not really important. Anyways, we
bowl and have a grand old time despite all the no shows,
and as I find out later, Matt has developed a crush on
Kira. So I sit there and think about different ways to kill
Matt when Kira and i have another online convo and she says
that she's not interested in him, so now Matt's like a poor
little puppy dog just staring at her and it's freaking her
out and quite frankly it's pissing me off. Guess I'm just
territorial over something that isn't mine anyways. So now
we're at the point where Prom is coming up, did I mention
that Kira's going with Spencer? No? Really? Well, it's
late, deal with it. Yeah, she's going with Spencer to Prom,
which I am less than enthusiastic about let me tell you
that now. I guess the part of my brain that revolves around
Kira is slowly taking control of the rest of me because I
find myself thinking about her more and more, and it's
killing the part of my brain that likes Emily. Don't get me
wrong, as I said before, she's great and attractive and all
that, but Kira and I have so much in common it's scary,
we've actually said that. We both have contemplated and
attempted suicide and a LARGE number of other things. So
I'm convinced that we would be a great couple and she seems
determined to not get into one with me, despite the fact
that she likes me, she's TOLD me this, of course she's also
told me she DOESN'T like me, but she's said that she likes
me more often. Well, today, Kira and Spencer have a fight
and Matt loses his date to Prom for some reason or another.
So I'm sitting here thinking, \"HERE'S MY CHANCE!!!\" I
had
it all worked out and everything, Kira and I are close now,
we're good friends and we tell each other just about
everything. I've kept these feelings and thoughts secret
from her, but I'll probably end up showing her this anyways
so blah. Anyways, my plan was this, Kira and Spencer break
up and don't go to Prom together, Matt is left dateless,
but Kira is too freaked out by him to want to go with him,
so i get Matt to take Emily and I get to take Kira like I
had waaaaay back when. Well, my whole plan fails when Kira
and Spencer make up and that. I know I'm being selfish, but
I really think this would be a good relationship for me AND
for Kira, and if the others don't like that, well, screw
them. I find myself thinking what it would be like to be in
a relationship and thinking of ways to make it happen, it
wouldn't suprise me if I end up trying to use this post for
something or another in a mad scheme of mine. I'm getting
really pathetic and my soel thought is basically, \"I hope
Emily doesn't like me.\" Because if Emily has no attraction
to me, then I could get Kira without her feeling like she
stole me from Emily or something. I hate to say it but I
really do hope that she doesn't like me, Emily I mean, I
REALLY want a relationship with Kira, I've never been so
persistant before and quite frankly I'm beginning to
frighten myself and I have nobody I can talk to about this.
*Sigh* Anyways, that's the situation, I like Kira, Kira
likes me, I kinda like Emily, Emily might like me, and Matt
likes Kira while she's just freaked out by him. Oh yeah, I
actually tried going to my parents for a little help. WHAT
THE FUCK WAS I SMOKING?????? They pretty much immediatly
tell Matt's mom, who's a real BITCH let me tell you, that
Kira's freaked out by Matt, and what does Mrs. Bitch do?
Tell Matt, who inexplicably talks to Kira about it and Kira
gets pissed at me. Well, I don't like Kira being mad at me,
unless it's that cute little pout she does......But I'm
getting side tracked again. Anyways, I go down and I do
everything but yell at my mom for telling Mrs. Bitch about
that and I admit, I was a bit harsh, but i learned my
lesson, never tell your parent's ANYTHING!!! NEVER!!!! They
will keep it to themselves for the amount of time it takes
them to find somebody to tell, usually the LAST person you
want to hear it. Anyways, I'm getting really pathetic right
now and if it wasn't for the fact that I like Kira so MUCH
I'd be frightened and disgusted with myself for being like
this, but I'm completely serious when i say I think I'm
falling in love with her. Gah, I've said THAT before, but
it was never like this.....Blah, just ONE MORE THING I need
on my mind now, anyways, I'm basically a corpse right now,
I feel like crap from the stress that just going to school
and seeing her and talking to her online brings. God let me
tell you about our conversations, it's like self-inflicted
torture. We'll sit there and basically all we do is flirt.
We'll sit there and we'll be so close about stuff, and
there are times when she's in a pissy mood like today when
i'm basicaly the only one on her side and I just can't help
but see us as a couple sometime in the future. Anyways, I'm
becoming obsessed with Kira now and it's worrisome, maybe I
won't show her this post afterall.....it'd just freak her
out and it'd be like it is with Matt, her not being able to
stand being around me. Now THAT'S a disquieting thought,
and probably the one thing that's stopping me from
confessing my \"Everlasting Love\" for her or something
like
that. I'll be honest, I'm one of the sappiest and most
emotional guys I know, you'd never know it from talking to
me, but i am, and this Kira obsession is getting nuts.
*Sigh* The only real cure for it I suppose is actually
getting Kira, which just seems like it won't happen,
something always comes up to prevent it from happening to
the point where i just want to cry. It's as though God
himself is forbidding it from happening. WHY?!?!?! I'm 18
FUCKING YEARS OLD!!!! Can't I get a g/f? I see all these
other people with their loving relationships and that and I
just feel like throwing up because fate seems obsessed with
me not having one. I don't know how, but I will get Kira
some way or another. Yeah, I'm definently not showing her
this, unless I edit it first at the very least. Well, I'm
gonna go pass out now, ciao.

~Jack




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