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Well today's the day that i'm supposed to go with mother
to meet her week old boyfriend. its agravating, I had to
end up telling my friend that i was unable to go.
For those of you who care enough, I don't want the name
BECCA mentioned in my presanse. I have nothing to do with
her nor will i ever have anything to do with. So i would
really love you guys not to mention her! kiss
Why do i have to go. Its like she's met him before but
she's afrade to go alone. I don't understand. Why why
why. Why can't i just live my own life, i have enough
things going on to try to deal with without trying to help
my mother, I am not going with my friend due to mom i
want to make her happy, Witch is all that i've ever done
though my life. since i came to live with her that's all
i've ever done, and i get paid back by having to hurt all
my good friends.
My mother and i had a mega fight right now. and i am
ready to just kill my self. I just don't understand why
she wants me to go with her, its annoying. I'm actually
shaking right now. She's saying that jeff and i are not
allowed to move in here witch is scary. I hope she's
change her mind on that. Because i need to live here, she
doesent want me to come back to nh, guess what jeffy i
might be moving in with you :-D.
She wants us to pay all the maintance and bills etc.
witch is scary, becuase we agree'd to paying 250 for the
rent a piece. witch really isint that bad. But i can't
really afford anything more then that. I'm going to have
a job, but for sure that's not going to pay for it. and i
don't think i could handle more then one job all at once.
I need to move down here first and then get a job and if
all eles fails then get a socond one maybe a weekend job
or somthing. who know's. I need to calm down.
I really wish jeff was on, but he's not. I really need
to talk to someone. Why do these days have to come along.
I really hate them so much. Why why why.
I really need to get out of the house.
My voice is killing me right now....
I feel that i want to kill my self right now. As i'm now
saying to jeff, If it hits that point it just might
happen. Sorry to say but if it does then it will. And i'm
gonna make sure my mother is watching so she'll live
thorugh life with full guilt! She desurves it.
She really truly does.
I really need help...is there a doctor in the house?
I just.... really.... don't know... how to help my self.
Like i took the trip to get away from mom, I really
enjoyed it i had a wonderful time, it was so nice to get
away from her, So then i get that call where she's like
maybe you should come home early. Not that she can take
care of her self to begin with. So that's why i'm always
there and always blowing off my friend to help her, to
make her happy.
Finally the glass table in my apt is going to get out...
yey! :-D Then if mom allows me to move in then we can get
a futon for jeffy.
I just need to calm down.
I think this is going to be the longist Entrey i've
made... seeing as though i've been writing since around 7
or somthing and its 15 of 12 now. so...
Ok now back to writing?...
I don't have anything more to write but i'll think of
Well my friend sarah is supposed to come to the city, I
don't know if she will. I hope she does because i could
really use some friendship help right now. Becuase i
really need to calm back down but being in the house is
getting to the point of insanity.
if we do get together then we might go back to jersey so
it'd be nice to get out of the house and the city for a
Just to get my mind off of things,
I'm so sorry for writing so much.
well i'm gonna take a break.