Onju

My Teenage Life
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2001-05-27 20:24:32 (UTC)

i dunno wot title to put

Haven't wrote for a while so I thought I would.

Been at nans for weekend which was quite borin, just
listened 2 music and stuff all weekend. My mate who lives
by me nans went on holiday so i couldn't go down there like
I normally do.

Just wanna say a big [email protected] Irvine coming
third in the Monaco GP, was very happy at that. And at Mika
Hakkinen going out so early :p:p:p

Big [email protected] bubble guy he is sooo annoying!
Brian rules cos 1. he's cool 2. he's got nice eyes 3. he's
irish 4. he's funny
lol he's the best.
Was all happy wen watchin it cos mobile started ringin and
it said "call" on the screen with no name and wen that
happens....it's Annraoi. so i was like yay so i answered it
and no1 sed nothin (that's happened b4 wen he's called me)
then i thought my grandad was in bed in the next room so i
was puttin me fone on discreet and as i pressed cancel to
get off the choice of sound level screen, i saw annraoi'd
been foning back and by pressing cancel i'd forwarded it to
my voicemail :( was not happy at myself at all.
Then I had to go downstairs to watch the wrestling and
downstairs i have such a crap signal (hardly a good one
upstairs either) but i knew he'd be watchin the wrestling
himself anyway. Then wen it'd finished I thought he might
just try and call again so i was tryna find somewhere with
a signal so i left it in the kitchen by the back door and
put it on discreet. As i was comin out the room i heard the
beep it did wen ringing and turned round and as i got back
to my phone it sed missed call. and no new numbers so it
was either him or sum1 witholding their number. I was like
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR though. [email protected] phones
anyway....after moaning on about the most boring thing
ever.. lol

Last week I decided I want to live on my own for ages when
i'm older cos i'd love it and i'd have freedom and be able
to do what I want. However, I've now decided I never want
to live on my own because...
1. I'd always feel like someone was watching me
2. I have a constant fear someone's gonna break in anyway
3. No-one to kill all the spiders (have HUGE fear of them)
etc so yeh i wanna live with someone at all times of my
life lol

Hmmm I wonder if Joanne and Stuart have made any wedding
plans yet...hmm. Joanne is a girl in my class and Stuart is
her boyfriend who i don't know. Well they got engaged quite
a few months ago. At the time I thought that was really
silly, they were (still are) only 16 years old (well stuart
might be 17 now, yeh i think he is)
But now I think it's great, it was what they wanted so they
went ahead and did it not caring about their age, not
caring about people's narrow minded reactions and
judgements. I always think it's great when you see couples
and they say they've been together since they were
teenagers. I think it's lovely and would be a lot easier.
Also with Joanne and Stuart, they knew Joanne's dad would
turn his back on her but they still did it, he threw her
out and she went to live with her mum and is now much
happier than she was living with her dad. I think it's
great that they can make sacrifices like that just so they
can be together officially, it'd be amazing to have that
and that much love between the two people at such a young
age.
:( at ppl who want more than the person they're with -
normally the female wants more than the male, I think it's
really sad when that happens. Half of the time, the girl is
just exagerating her feelings to herself anyway. I KNOW I'm
not exagerating my feelings about annraoi to myself though,
I am 100% about how i feel, in case anyone thinks I'm
speaking of my own feelings when saying about exagerating.

Talking about love and future though, something's been
bothering me over the weekend. I was thinking how hard i
know it will be for me in a few years cos i know i will
compare people to annraoi. He's like the PERFECT bf/male,
and i know there are not many decent males on the planet
and I dont think i'll ever find anyone as good as him and
I'm worried when i have bf's when I'm older i'll be
thinking "hmm annraoi would have done this, annraoi would
have sed that.." and if i'm doing that, a relationship is
NOT going to work. I don't think i'll ever get over him
kinda thing. oh god helllllp im scared. What if i NEVER
have another functional lasting relationship ever again??
And then wen i havent been worrying about that ive been
worrying about losing touch with him! I know his email
address and his mobile fone number, I could easily lose
touch with him if he lost his mob and his cpu broke
oh god! I doubt it will happen like buutt u never know!!!!!
In between thinking of that ive been having nice thoughts
about meeting him :) i seriously CANT wait and i pray to
god it goes well when we do meet.
Basically i just thought about him non stop all weekend.
Which was good, of course, but bad cos me stomach felt
weird all weekend :-s
Anyway, basically I love him and that's all that matters at
the moment.

My dad was bad at the weekend.
He said these words to me
"what?"
"division 2"
and 1 other which i forget
and he shouted at me for watching the tv in me nans room
wen he was in bed in the next room (he was workin nights)
well i didnt god damn know he was in there! and it wasnt
THAT loud, i didnt like turn it up when i turned it on or
anything.
[email protected]
There's no need for him to be like that with me, i wish he
knew he was upsetting me. Id been happy thinking of annraoi
and was all mushy and happy and stuff and then he's like
that so im all upset and stuff :( it sux.
Im also sick of pretending to be 100% happy 24/7. These
days i am happy a lot, i have gr8 friends, i have annraoi,
i have a quite good life, but he just ruins it. Sometimes I
just wanna cry to someone, but there's no1. Annraoi is the
only one who knows about it, no-one else does. And there's
no1 else I wanna tell, so there's no1 i can cry to about it
and just have a hug.

ooo i have to go now
Might update later 2nite
ta ta 4 now

Nikki


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