I'm a girl, not a band!!!
2002-04-18 05:12:54 (UTC)


It's late.

One of the (few) things I like about living in FL is the
jasmine at night. During the summer, the air is thick with
the smell of them, and the nocturnal breezes bring the
scent through my window. It really gets to me. I love it,
and it's like a gift that is unexpected. I love the night
time, things are different. They feel different, and look
different than they do when the sun is up. There's the
night time smell that is similar to the after the rain
smell, but yet.....different somehow.

Another thing about FL at night are the frogs. There are
tons of teeny tiny frogs, from the size of dimes to the
size of your palm all over. You can really see them after
it rains. But did you know that they can sing? It's
very...mysterious and melodic. Strange really, cause
they're only frogs. Weird how such a tiny creature can
make such a big noise. It's like a froggy chorus.

Night time is a time for fun, but then it's also a time to
be serious. For those long talks that you need to have
with someone that you've been putting off because they're
hard. Nights are the time to do that as well. Because I
think that our thought processes are more rational at
night time. I think also that we are a bit tired and that
makes us a little more easygoing so that we can take
criticism and let downs more easily. Plus, there's that
whole crying yourself to sleep thing which works better if
it's night time. Cause technically, you're supposed to be

Is life supposed to be this hard and complicated? Does
everybody else feel as frustrated as I am? Sometimes, I
wish that people could read my mind, so they could just
know what I want and/or need from them. I play these
stupid games and expect someone to know what I want and
how I feel. I've been doing it my whole life. I remember
doing it when i was 5!!! And I'd know what I wanted and
how I wanted things, but never, ever, EVER, have I gotten
what I wanted. I mean, the stupid game.....I tell people I
don't want to talk about it, but what I really want is
them to pry it out of me. I need to be reassured that I am
loved (if you love me) and I need to be touched. Not
sexually necessairly, but physically. I need to be held,
hugged, touched in some way. I need that attachment to
someone who loves me. I guess I'm talking about love, not
just friendship. Though I am a touchy friend....I hug my
friends, and I touch them when I'm talking to make a
point....I can't help it. It's just the way I am.

I'm tired. Maybe I'll add more later.